The One After [SHAWN MENDES]

Chapter 34

It was the Saturday before Halloween. Following days of listening to them pleading, I gave into the girls and was at a bar, though I wasn't drinking. After the horrible tequila incident and some deep reflection on how I used alcohol to cope with my problems, I was staying dry for the rest of 2022.

Briya insisted on costumes, so I threw on some black clothes and a cat ears. She was dressed as an angel and Fallon was a devil, which suited their personalities pretty well, though I kept that opinion to myself.

"Two witch's brews and a Diet Coke for our DD," Fallon said as we approached the bar.

The 'witch's brew' was the drink special, though the mixture of liquors and mixers sounded dreadful to me. We got our libations and found a small table at the back of the room.

"Happy Halloween!" Briya toasted as she held her glass aloft for each of us to clink it.

"Yay," I said half-heartedly.

"Still no word from Shawn?" Fallon asked.

"No. It's been two and a half weeks since things ended, and I'm certain he's back in Toronto since his last concert was three days ago. If he hasn't reached out by now, he never will."

"You could text him. Maybe you two can sit down and talk it out," Briya suggested.

"I fucked up. There's nothing left to say other than for me to apologize."

Fallon placed a hand on my shoulder. "Then why don't you do that?"

"I sort of did already, but he doesn't know it. After my hangover cleared, I wrote him a long letter in my journal. I told him I was sorry and said a few things I wish I'd told him when we talked, because I think he would have understood where I was coming from if I'd communicated better."

"Send it to him," Briya said.

"It's in my journal."

She rolled her eyes. "You have a printer. Scan it and text him. What do you have to lose?"

"My dignity? I don't want him to think I'm desperate to get him back."

Fallon scowled at me. "Don't you want him back?"

"Of course!"

"Then why the hell wouldn't you try? Don't let your pride get in the way. You two had a strong connection, so make an effort, for fuck's sake," she said.

Bri's head bobbed up and down. "I agree. You told us you love him, which is even more reason to give it a shot. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"He could tell me to buzz off and block me."

"He'd never do that and you know it," Fallon said.

This was true. Shawn was too kind a person to react that way. A more realistic scenario was that he'd tell me he needed space, but he'd say it in a sweet way.

I stayed at our table while the girls hit the dance floor. Every couple of songs, they'd come take a sip of their drinks and attempt to cajole me into joining them by saying it wasn't as fun without me. I probably should have stayed home since my presence was a buzzkill.

I'd downed three Diet Cokes and eventually had to pee, so I wound through the crowd of costumed partiers and got in line outside one of the genderless bathrooms. Five minutes later, I was up next, and when the door opened, the man looked me up and down with a sneer. Even though he was dressed up as Hugh Hefner, I recognized him as the frat guy from the night of the cruise when I met Shawn. Not even a bad wig and drawn on wrinkles could obscure his weasle-like face. He stood in the doorway blocking me from relieving my bladder.

"Excuse me," I said firmly. "Do you mind stepping aside?"

"You owe me a drink," he slurred.

"No, I don't." The very last thing I needed was a confrontation with a drunk.

"I hate whores like you who flirt with men so they'll buy them booze."

"Well I hate douchebag fraternity brothers that think women who pay them any kind of attention are eager to jump on their tiny dick, so I guess we're even," I spat back at him.

He started to reach for my arm, but I swerved away and hurried past him into the restroom, locking the door behind me. As I sat on the toilet, I muttered to myself, "Why the fuck did I come out tonight?"

Thankfully I didn't see that asshole again, but I endured my fair share of men hitting on me as the night wore on and people got drunker. The fact that I was sitting alone was evidently an open invitation for them to try out their lame pick-up lines. The worst was when a guy told me I was the sweetest pussy in the club and he hoped I'd let him pet me.

We stayed at the bar until midnight, at which point the girls wanted to go to some other club to dance more. I bowed out and went back to my apartment after dropping them off since I wasn't really in the mood. They said they'd Uber home, but I told them to call me if they couldn't get a ride. I didn't love the idea of being woken up in the middle of the night, but my friends' safety came first.

When I got into bed, I pulled out my journal and read the letter to Shawn again. Maybe Fallon was right about sending it, though I wasn't going to text him in the middle of the night. It made sense to sleep on it, and if it felt like a good idea in the morning, I'd scan it and send it in an email.

I closed up my journal and set it on the bedside table. Inky hopped up on the mattress, so I gave her some love before rolling onto my side to go to sleep. It didn't take me long to doze off, but I had a fitful night. Several nightmares plagued me, though they weren't the kind that I remembered in detail; I merely woke up feeling scared and anxious. The last one, which had something to do with being in cold dark water, was around six in the morning, and after that I couldn't fall back asleep.

The letter was at the front of my mind, and my gut told me to send it to Shawn. Instead of scanning the journal entry, I took photos of the pages and added them as attachments in an email. I wrote a simple note explaining what it was and why I felt he should see it. As soon as I hit the little blue circle with the arrow, I started second-guessing my decision.

I showered, got dressed, went to the kitchen to make myself some coffee, and an hour later I arrived at the bakery. I wasn't scheduled to work, but I had this restless energy that wouldn't go away if I lounged around my apartment all day.

"Nice to see you, Lucy-goosey," Dad said warmly before handing me a clean apron to put on. "I can use your help with these Halloween cupcakes, even though I know you're not a fan of the holiday."

I wasn't a professional cake decorator by any means, but I could do the more rudimentary designs really well. The first cupcakes I worked on were simple pumpkins, so I made a nice round mound of orange frosting on top using various frosting tips and added some green stems. After those were finished, I made some that were spider themed. I frosted them with gray vanilla buttercream and used melted marshmallows to created a web. A fondant spider, which one of the bakers had made dozens of the day before, went on top.

I'd just brought a tray of the festive cupcakes from the kitchen and was putting them in the display case when the bell on the door chimed. I looked up, even though I rarely dealt with customers, and my heart nearly leapt out of my chest.

It was Shawn.