Harry Styles Fanfiction - Remember Me?

Chapter 23

June 2015
**YOUR POV**
„You weren't supposed to hear that..." Harry admitted after wrapping his arms around my body. „I'm sorry."

„Don't apologize, Harry." I told him again. He still thought it was his fault and I hated that. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't...

I let go of him, my hands brushing over his arms as I did. I looked at him as he ran his hand through his hair and wiped some tears away. How was I ever able to make his pain go away? Would he ever forgive me?

„I did this to you..." I whispered. „You...you started drinking because of me?"

He nodded slowly, not saying anything.

„Please, god, please tell me you didn't try to do something to yourself." I sniffled.

„No! No, I didn't." He shook his head.

„I'm deep in, I'm scared I'll stop breathing?" I repeated the lyrics, taking a step closer to him. „Tell me you didn't try to do something to yourself, Harry." I said again, almost whispering while my voice cracked.

He shut his eyes, causing a tear to run down over his soft, red cheek. „I...I don't know Y/n. It was only a few days after you left. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I drank...a lot. Too much, until one day, Liam found me at my house and the last thing I remember, is waking up at the hospital." He confessed, his eyes full of tears.

„Fuck, what did I do? What did I do?" I asked myself over and over again, panicking at the thought of him almost losing his life because of me. „This is all my fault."

„No, it's not. I was stupid and hurt." He told me, taking my hand. „And I was 19 years old... I didn't do it on purpose, I promise."

„But it still happened...because of me. I am the reason this happened. You almost died because of me..."

„Don't blame yourself for this, I am the one to blame, I did this. You were fighting for your life yourself at that time, I just didn't...didn't know it." He calmed down, wiping his tears away before he started talking again. „Now I know and it's sad how we both suffered a lot, because I know I did and I know for a fact you did too, but we're both here now. I don't even know why I listened to it again after all this time. And you weren't supposed to hear this,  Y/n. I didn't want to hurt you with this."

„You're right. And I don't care if you hurt me with this, I deserved it, to feel how you felt. It just makes me so sad, that you were in so much pain and still are."

„You don't deserve this. If it makes you feel better, I felt a lot better the first time I saw you again at the MTV Awards, because that was when I knew, you were okay and nothing bad happened." He told me with a small smile.

I smiled back a little. „That does make me feel better actually. But you stopped drinking after what happened...right?"

„I did. I immediately did. It was a big mistake to do this and I'll never do it again."

I let out a deep breath. „Good, I'm relieved." I looked at him again. His nose and cheeks were red after the crying. I probably looked the same. He looked cute though, I most likely looked like a mess. „What's the name of the song?"

„Half The World Away" He told me.

I didn't say anything, I couldn't. Nothing that I wanted to say seemed right to let out. I just nodded, not knowing what to do.
I couldn't believe I did this to him. I knew I hurt him a lot, but I would have never imagined this to happen. I broke his heart, but not only his heart, I broke him. I broke a 19 year old so much, that he wrote this song, this painful song.

„Why did you come here by the way?" Harry asked, cutting the tension in the room.

„To meet you and..."

„And?" He raised his eyebrows.

„To tell you something, that I don't know you're still okay with." I admitted.

„What is it? So I can tell you." He chuckled.

„I decided I wanted to come to Manchester with you this weekend, but I don't know if you still want me there after this."

„That's great!" His eyes lit up and it made me smile seeing him happy after this. „Why wouldn't I want you there? I asked you to come with me, of course I want you there."

„Good, I'm relieved." I breathed, smiling at him.

„I'm glad you decided to come. Do you want me to tell my mum?"

„Actually, no. Let's make it a surprise." I suggested.

„Sounds good to me, whatever you want." He smiled back. „I'm gonna pick you up Saturday then, is that alright?"

„It's perfect." I nodded and caught him blushing a little bit.

„So, are you ready for your first interview back?" He quickly changed the subject.

„I guess? I think I'm gonna be nervous as soon as I'm at the studio and about to do my performance. Honestly, I'm a bit scared of the questions he might asks, because I still haven't quite figured out what I want to say and tell the people." I told him honestly. „I think I do owe everyone an explanation, mostly to the fans, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell yet, you know?"

„I understand, but don't feel like you owe the people an explanation. You don't. Just say what you feel like saying in that moment, don't think about it too much now, think about it when it happens and listen to your heart. Your heart will tell you what to say and what not to and when you feel comfortable enough to tell the world, then that's okay, but also if you're not comfortable with that, then that's also okay." He said, his voice sounding like music to my ears. „You will find the right words and the perfect answers, I know you will, because you always did."

„You know, you always find the perfect words too. You always have a way to calm me down and say the right words to me, the words I need in situations like this. You know what I need better than I do myself and that scares me sometimes, but also calms me down, because I know you are the only person who understands me and what I feel." I told him, smiling slightly. „That's the best advice I got in a long, long time and it helped. Thank you."

„No problem. I'm glad that I can help." He looked away, blushing again. „You were my soulmate, I know you better than myself and you know me better than myself."

I was his soulmate. Was he right? Was I not his soulmate anymore? Was that possible?

„I thought soulmates would last forever?" I asked, trying to make a joke out of it.

„You're right." He chuckled. „Soulmates last forever. You know you made me so emotional the last few days, but at the same time, you make me...happy."

I smiled. „Life is like a ride of ups and downs, like a rollercoaster..."

„I don't really like rollercoasters." He admitted.

„I know, but they come to an end eventually." I told him. „They stop and you can get off it..."

„Right...That's true." He nodded.