Just Breathe [EDITING]

Chapter 37

IT'S OFFICIAL. I got hired! I was really nervous going into my interview, but as soon as my nerves calmed down and I got a hold of myself, I did great. I was super proud of myself for doing all of that so well without any practice before.

I've been working this job for about a week now and I love it already. It's great and the people here are truly amazing. They are so friendly and kind and we even talk every now and then out of work.

After completing an eight hour shift, I clock out of work and make my way to my car, exhausted. I'm so glad that I have the day off tomorrow. I get to spend time with Caleb and Jonah.

Oh, and not to mention, two days after I got the call from Best Buy, Jonah got the call from Avalanche-a well-known restaurant in our town-and is now officially a busboy. I'm so proud!

When I round the corner of our street, I pull into our parking space and make my way into the apartment condo. I walk up the many, many stairs that lead to our door and finally open the door. Caleb runs straight for the door.

"Daddy!" he squeals and jumps into my arms.

"Hey, baby." I say and kiss his cheek.

"I wuv and missed you." he says and I smile wide. My baby boy misses me. It makes me want to quite my job and stay with him forever. Not to mention cry.

"Hey, babe." Jonah says, walking up to me and kissing me.

I kiss him back and smile. "Hi, I feel like I should leave every single day. You guys miss me so much."

Jonah smiles while Caleb gets down and goes to his room to play.

"I talked to Michael today." Jonah says.

"Who's that?" I ask.

"A friend from work." he says and smiles.

"About what?" I ask, curious.

"Nothing." he says.

I begin to get jealous and scared. I know that I shouldn't worry, but that's how I am. He has left me before and could possibly leave me once again. My heart pounds against my chest. I don't let it show. I just smile and nod my head, walking right in the kitchen and grabbing something to drink.

"Caleb," I say, "it's almost time for bed."

"Otay, dada." he yells from his bedroom.

At least we have a kid who listens and obeys.

"Can you put him to sleep?" Jonah asks me. "I have to make a quick call."

In my mind I know that he's calling Michael. "Yeah, I can do that."

"Thank you." he says and kisses me once again before walking into the bedroom.

I can't help but walk to the bedroom door and stand there.

"Hey, Michael." I hear him whisper.

It's completely silent before a minute.

"No," Jonah says. "I'm too scared to do it yet."

That's when I begin to worry more. I have to walk away. I make my way to Caleb's bedroom and begin to get him ready for bed. As I lay in bed with Caleb, I wonder who the hell Michael is and if they are secretly hooking up.

When Caleb finally falls asleep (which doesn't take him long), I walk out of his bedroom and close the door. I then stand in front of our bedroom door and put my ear against the door to hear better.

"...I'll do it soon. I'm just nervous. What if it doesn't go well?"

Oh my God. He's going to leave me again. I knew it was going to happen soon, but now? Seriously? What will happen with Caleb? I can't lose Caleb or Jonah. I love them both so much. We just got this condo not that long ago and he already wants to leave me.

I can feel my heart begin to break piece by piece. I can't believe this is seriously going to happen soon. I can't lose them... I just can't.

As I hear Jonah tell Michael good-bye, I freak out and run back to Caleb's bedroom and act like I'm just leaving the room.

"Is he asleep?" Jonah asks, half-smiling.

"Out like a light." I fake a smile.

Jonah kisses me. I wonder how many times him and Michael have kissed. I wonder how many times they have seen each other behind my back. I wonder how long this has been going on. So many questions run through my mind at once.

"Let's go to sleep." He says, and I nod my head.

"I'm beat." I say, which is true.

I lay in bed and just stare at Jonah. I'm going to lose the two boys I love the most in my life.

And as I watched Jonah fall asleep, I thought of every great memory we had together.

The end of us is really coming soon.