Just Breathe [EDITING]

Chapter 7

Life is complicated, you know? It's so hard handling this pain and having this unbearableness in your chest. I feel like someone took something really heavy and just keeps pushing it down on my chest.

I lay here in bed and just stare at the ceiling. I just lay here and stare, not trying to let my mind run in circles and go crazy like it has been. My mind has been on repeat. Kind of like a song you like so much, you keep playing it over and over again. Then soon, you just get tired of it.

I finally get up out of bed and head over to the bathroom to cleanse my thoughts. I let the water warm up and strip off all of my clothes. I stand there in front of the mirror and let the steam fog the mirror up. It's kind of like when it's pouring outside, you can sit there and cry and people will never know you are crying.

I step in the shower and let my body relax from the hot water. I don't care about how hot the water is, I just stand there. When I get enough energy, I decide to finish my shower and step out. I stand there for a good couple of minutes before finally wrapping a towel around my waist and walk back over to my room. I hurry and throw on some briefs, sweats, and then a baggy sweater. I really don't care what I look like right now.

***

For the past couple of days, I don't eat. I couldn't find the energy to find anything to eat or to go and get something.

I head downstairs and find that I'm home alone. I walk in the kitchen and rummage the drawers. I find some crackers and make tomato soup. As I'm eating, I get this sick feeling in my stomach. It feels like I'm about to get sick or something. It's a horrible feeling, but what am I talking about. For the last week, I have had nothing but horrible feelings in my chest and stomach. I run up to the bathroom and lean my head over the toilet. I feel dizzy, like I'm about to pass out. At that very moment, it all comes out. It all happened so fast, I didn't know it happened till I opened my eyes. I kept still for a minute and just sat there. I then got up and went to the drawers. I searched for one thing and only one thing. When I find it, I shut the drawer and lean against the wall to keep steady. I put the blade against my skin and hold it there for a minute. The tears pour out my eyes like a waterfall. I dig the blade deep into the fresh skin of mine, over and over again.

I slowly begin feeling dizzy again. The room starts spinning and I see nothing but blackness all around me. I drop to the floor, and the last thing I remember seeing was blood run across the floor.