Unexpectedly Attached To You

Chapter 26

Months passed by and I wish I could say that within those months, may naging progress ako sa Italy. But besides being comfortable in my new apartment that my dad got for me, walang nagbago. It still hurt. I still had that burden living in my heart.

All I did was sit in one of my chairs in my living room and stare outside the huge windows just to watch other people live their lives. Anong balak ko sa buhay ko? Well I had that finally figured out. I was even enrolled in a college.

Marist College in Florence Italy. I was taking fine arts to become and interior designer. I knew I always enjoyed crafts whether it was the smallest and easiest task ever or the most tiring project. I knew I was comfortable with taking fine arts dahil magaling naman na ako sa ganon. Wala man akong experience with interior design, I had college to walk me through what I need to know. Kumukuha din ako ng ilang mga business courses just incase I change my mind about taking the position of CEO in the Fernandez Estates Company.

I was happy knowing i'm satisfied with what I have decided on in terms of my future job. But that happiness wasn't enough to overpower the pain I still continued to carry. I was lonely here in Italy. Namiss kong maglunch araw araw kasama ang mga kaibigan ko. But now all I would do was eat lunch in a restaurant and recall my moments with my friends in our school's canteen.

They still didn't know. At least that's what Sky has told me. Siya at si dad palang din ang nakakaalam kung nasaan ako at kung anong ginagawa ko. Syempre I heard news about how my friends have been asking about where I was, pero sa pamilya ko, I didn't even want to ask. I didn't want to take the risk that I might break again with the answer my dad would give me. Tama na para saakin ang sakit na patuloy ko pa'din na dinadama.

Sure I was still hurt and affected by everything. But I managed to go through my days without crying or even thinking about what happened not so long ago. Nagfocus ako sa studies ko. I also started some part time jobs. I figured that if I would finish all four years of college here, kailangan kong kumita ng sarili kong pera. Besides it would help my business exposure in someways.

After a year, I figured na hindi na maalis saakin ang sakit. Or atleast not before I hear a sorry or some explanations from my kuya and Noah. But with Noah, I didn't care about that anymore. Hindi na ako nagaasam na magkita o magkausap pa kami. What we had was meant to be left in the past. Have I forgave him? No. Hindi ko siya napatawad and I don't think I would. I don't think I need to. I don't think i'll ever forgive him and ever forget him. Pero tinanggap ko na. That's why he was in the very back of my mind or I at least tried to keep him there.

But with my brother, sobrang sakit pa din para saakin. Before moving here, hindi kami nagkahiwalay ng matagal. But he hurt me to much that no matter how lonely I felt, ayokong bumalik doon. Sometimes, I refuse to even call my old house "home" anymore. Alam kong sobrang dami din ng nagawa ng kuya ko para saakin. Maybe it was just the timing that was wrong. Sinubukan kong kumbinsihin ang sarili ko na hindi ganon kalala ang nangyari saamin but everytime I recall the words he said to me that day in our backyard, I still feel the same stinging feeling in my chest.

I also felt sad for my brother dahil iniwan ko siya. Pero hindi ako pwedeng bumalik. Not now. Not yet.

I started thinking that I came to Italy purely for education. At pagkagraduate ko. Babalik na ako sa pinas. Because no matter how comfortable I get here, it's not home. Nothing comes close to home kahit na anong nangyari o mangyayari.

I may miss home pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na hindi ko sinubukan na mag-move on sa buhay ko dati. I've made friends and even met someone else. The people I met throughout my journey were the ones who helped me when I needed them. Lalo na noong bago palang akong dating dito, they introduced me to the culture and all the basics that I need to know.