Unexpectedly Attached To You

Chapter 35

"Balik na tayo." I stood up and wiped my tear stained face.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako biglang napa-salita ng ganon. I don't know what triggered me into spilling everything to Noah. All our memories were coming back to me all at once. I was so drowned in emotions na kinailangan kong maglabas ng sama ng loob.

I also felt like he deserves an explaination because I didn't want him to blame himself for my leaving. Pero 'yon lang dapat 'yon. All the confessions about how I felt about him  came out because of how deep I was into the topics.

Ni hindi ko nga maamin sa sarili ko na ganon yung nararamdaman ko. I tried to ignore how my heart changes it's beating when he's around. Sinubukan kong 'wag isipin ang nararamdaman ko dahil I know that the more I think about it, the deeper my feelings for him would get.

I regret it. I regret this. I was so honest and open that I don't know how I would be acting around him. Siguro kailangan ko parin'g ignorin lahat. But I can't fool myself to thinking that it's nothing. Dahil alam na niya. Before I got to accept it, I already said it. And it's so irresponsible.

But all that just proves my point. Kapag nandyan siya, wala akong laban sa sarili ko. Hindi ko nako-control ang mga sinasabi, iniisip, o ginagawa ko.

It was like I was under a spell. I was so wrapped around his finger and I don't even know if I could blame him. He never showed me any signs of unnecessary attention. It was all on me. Kasalanan ko 'to. Kasalanan ko kung bakit nararamdaman ko 'tong lahat.

"It's probably just our past that makes me feel this way." I switched. "Kailangan ko nang bumalik sa kompanya. I have to talk to my brother."

Tumango lang siya at naunang maglakad pabalik sa sasakyan niya.

The simple fact that he didn't say anything already hurt me.

Nasasaktan na ako. And it's all my fault. I can't blame him. I can't blame anyone. I tied myself into this situation and I can't get myself out.

I'm so dumb. Hindi ko nga alam kung anong nararamdaman niya para saakin tapos magcoconfess ako ng ganon? Sure he started giving me attention and wanted to know more about my personal life pero paano kung curious lang talaga siya? Maybe he was just genuinely curious because he was involved in the situation.

Napahinga ako ng malalim bago sumunod sakaniya.

"Magt-taxi nalang ako." I told him.

"Why?" Kumunot ang noo niya.

"Alam kong pupunta ka pa sa site. Ayoko na mapalayo ka pa. Plus, kailangan ka ng mga trabahador mo." Paliwanag ko.

"Nandoon si Sky. Don't you think he could handle it without me?" He pointed out.

"He can. Pero tingin mo ba susunod sakaniya yung iba mong engineer? Saka there are other sites than the one Sky is at." Sagot ko.

"They can wait." Pilit niya.

"I can handle myself Mr. Riverson. You don't need to worry about me. Thank you for the ride." I ended the conversation then walked away like nothing happened.

I wanted to forget everything I said and I wished Noah would try his best to forget it too.

As I was in the taxi on the way back to the company, emotions of guilt and regret filled me.

Anong pinaggagagawa ko?

"Miss Fernandez, kanina pa po kayo hinahanap ng kapatid niyo." Tamara told me when she saw me walking to my office.

"Sige, thank you." Maikling sabi ko.

I had to brush off some emotions bago ko makausap ng maayos si Theo. Kaya kahit hinihintay na niya ako, dumeretso muna ako sa office ko.