Bertrum: So I was just having a conversation with Thomas about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!
Lacie: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.
Bertrum: Like... who the fuck put this hole here???? And why????
Lacie: Exhaust?
Bertrum: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! The Star Wars universe needs OSHA.
Lacie: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole...
Bertrum: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.
Lacie: We're onto something here!
Bertrum: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.
Lacie: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.
Bertrum: His lightsaber does though.
*Lacie thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*
Lacie: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.
Bertrum: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.
Lacie: Fair point.
\\
Buddy: Why does everyone want to kill Joey?
Norman: Because, goddamnit, have you seen him? His neck looks so snappable.
\\
Sammy: This totally sucks, man.
Wally: This is horrible.
Jack: Yeah, I know, I mean look at today's news.
Sammy: No, it's not that, it's Norman.
Sammy: It's just like, I can't get them out of my head and every time I look at them I have these pains in my chest, and I just know it's their fault, that bitch!
Wally: ... How many times did you get hit in the chest from that guy in the alleyway?
Sammy: Zero, why?
\\
Joey: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?
Henry, watching August screaming, Bendy trying to set a sleeping Alice on fire, and Boris choking on air: I don't know either.
\\
Shawn: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?
Grant: It's a book. There's a lot of those in here, this is a library.
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August: I know those leaves, are you from Texas?
Norman: Yeah?
August: Hey me too!
Sammy: Did you identify a state by looking at its leaves?
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Wally: Let's go to Florida!
Norman: Sorry, can't.
Wally: How about California?
Sammy: He can't go there either.
Wally: Vermont?
Norman: Nope.
Sammy, holding up 47 wanted posters: He's a criminal in almost every state except for Texas, New York, and Alaska.
Norman: Those were all accidents-
\\
Wally: Norman isn't answering my messages.
Sammy: *sigh* Allow me.
Wally: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Norman: *replying to message* Hello.
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BATIM Oneshots ig
FanfictionCOVER NOT MINE Oneshots of any batim characters. I (mostly) do not care what pair of people you would like, what setting, AU, or anything. this is all creative freedom writing practice. Ask what ever you would like to see written! Fluff Angst This s...
