Jack: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.
Sammy: Well, that's just your personal opinion, I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think I have anger issues?
Wally: Well, I wouldn't really call it an issue. An issue is something you can fix.
\\
Wally: Words ending in 'ie' just sound so adorable. Like cutie, sweetie, cookie-
Shawn: Eyy, homie!
Jack: But then there's cootie...
Grant: Die.
\\
Sammy: It's not gonna work, I'm not a snitch.
Cop: Fine, let's try something else. Tag a friend you recently committed a crime with.
Sammy: Lmao, @Norman.
\\
(modern Middle school AU)
Sammy: The violin girl is a strings kid. We must sacrifice them to the band gods.
Jack: Yes.
Norman: You're right. It'd be a good initiation for me.
Wally: Wait, guys, what about the truce we signed-
Sammy: What truce?
Wally: *sigh* The truce that we must destroy all the choir kids and leave the strings alone.
Susie: Wait, I'm a choir kid!
Everyone else: *prepares for sacrifice*
\\
Sammy: Someone's trying to break in. Call the cops!
Wally: *loads shotgun* I got this.
Norman: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-
\\
Joey: Some people are like slinkies.
Bertrum: What?
Joey: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Bertrum:
Henry: Please don't push August down the stairs.
Joey, pushing August down the stairs: Too late.
\\
The studio: Hey, I got a-
The Projectionist: *feral snarling*
The studio: GET YO DOG BITCH-
Sammy: He doesn't hurt people.
The studio's hearts getting torn out of their bodies: YES IT DOES-
\\
Grant: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?
Shawn: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.
YOU ARE READING
BATIM Oneshots ig
FanfictionCOVER NOT MINE Oneshots of any batim characters. I (mostly) do not care what pair of people you would like, what setting, AU, or anything. this is all creative freedom writing practice. Ask what ever you would like to see written! Fluff Angst This s...
