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"doctor, you didn't tell me your girlfriend was blonde!" clara called from across the center console of the tardis, a hint of teasing in her voice.
the doctor, who was taking a sip of the cup of coffee clara had forced on him, immediately sprayed the coffee all over the levers in front of him and started choking. it took him quite a minute to recover.
"sorry, what did you say?" he was panting trying to catch his breath, but clara barely noticed. she made her way to stand next to him and clutched a picture, waving it in his face.
"you didn't tell me she was blonde." clara shrugged. "well, technically speaking you didn't tell me you had a girlfriend at all."
"i don't understand." the doctor tried to make sense of what was happening. "who are you talking about?"
clara glared at him.
"don't you pull that on me." she snapped. the doctor jumped back slightly. "you forget i've been a part of every single regeneration, every single piece of your timeline. i know so much more about you than you realize. and i know about the girl you left behind on a beach, and how much pain it brought you. she must've been a girlfriend. no one else could hurt you that much, not even river."
the doctor didn't say anything. instead, he held his hand out. he didn't need to say anything, clara knew he was asking for the photo. she handed it to him, furrowing her brows gently as she realized this may be more serious than just an old photo.
"she was my-" the doctor couldn't even bring himself to say it.
what would he even call her anyway? friend? no way, she was always way more than just a friend. girlfriend? they had never exclusively decided they were dating. but the doctor knew that as long as he was with her, as long as he remembered rose, there would never be anyone else. friends with benefits? bad connotations.
"doctor, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to bring up something bad for you." clara apologized. "i just found the picture on the center console. i remember seeing her a few times throughout your lives. more than i saw most other people you traveled with."
"this is rose." the doctor felt a tear leak out of his eye. he couldn't bear to keep looking at the photo, so he flipped it over and placed it gently on the center console. "we were together."
clara said nothing. she wanted him to tell her on his own time and not because she forced his hand.
"she saw me through some very tough times. she watched me regenerate. 4 times actually. and when i regenerated into the man you first met, she was right there. she was right there and she didn't even know it because at that time she didn't know me." clara didn't speak, just looked at him with sad eyes and let him continue. "one day she was falling into the void. she would've been stuck in there with cybermen and daleks for all eternity. there's no escaping the void.
"but then, her father from a parallel universe rescued her. he took her back to his universe, and the walls closed. she was trapped there. it didn't matter. eventually the daleks and cybermen found a way out of the void, which means that she would've too." he cried softly. "i got to see her once more. but in the end, she stayed in the parallel world with a clone of me who only had one heart so that she could live a normal life with me, the way she always deserved. even though it wasn't really me."
"she was your girlfriend?" clara asked tentatively.
"we were together." he said curtly. "i keep this picture as a reminder. i may regenerate, and i'll live for a lot longer than she could've ever imagined. i may change my face, my tardis, me, but i'll never forget her."
clara gasped.
"bad wolf girl." clara muttered. "doctor that day, with the 3 of you. the bad wolf girl. that was rose wasn't it?"
"yea. i didn't know it at the time because my time line hadn't crossed with either of theirs yet but after it was all over," he sighed and wiped the tears that were now flowing freely, "it was her. i'd do anything to go back and tell him, the earliest version of me, the importance of bad wolf. maybe then he-i would've appreciated her more."
"but-but i don't understand." clara could barely form the words to express her thought. "i mean, it's been years. and i don't mean like 10 or 20 years. it's been billions and billions of years. you've lived so much, and doctor she's long since gone."
the doctor sucked in a breath at her words, but she continued.
"how do you, i mean, rose, after all this time, doctor?"
he couldn't focus on anything but the ground in front of him as he spoke, but she was there. without having to look, the doctor could feel the presence of rose tyler standing next to him, encouraging him like she had been for the last 4 billion years. it was in the slight breeze he felt, the way the air smelled like her, how he shivered when it happened. rose was there, standing next to him. or maybe not rose per say, but the bad wolf. either way, it was her.
it had always been her.
"always." he closed his eyes, and for the first time in billions of years, the doctor let himself cry.
