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no one ever really knew where amy went when she decided to go off "exploring the tardis". rory had a sneaking suspicion it was her way to get the two of them to bond, thinking maybe if rory knew the doctor better he wouldn't feel so threatened.
the doctor usually just went under the center console to start fiddling with things and ignoring rory, but for some reason he felt compelled to talk to rory today.
"so, anything new?" the doctor asked. this incarnation wasn't exactly the best at small talk but he tried. rory chuckled lightly.
"well, about the same as last time amy did this. what about you?"
"about the same." the silence returned, and the doctor felt an overwhelming urge to reassure rory. "you know rory, you haven't any need to be worried about amy and me."
rory snapped his head up towards the doctor.
"sorry, what?"
"i know why you're worried about me and amy but you have no reason to be." the doctor pulled up a chair next to where he sat and patted it. rory cautiously sat down. "ya know rory, i'm old. i've lived lots of lives, but the last few have been the hardest.
"there was a war. the time war, my people against the most deadly race in the universe, the daleks. my people and the daleks are all gone. and that, that takes its toll on a person, a time lord, any species with a conscience. i was all alone in the universe with no home to go to. it was the hardest time in all my lives.
"and then i met her. she worked at a shop, a shop girl, an ordinary shop girl. the most ordinary shop in all the world." the doctor chuckled. he had always talked with his hands. "but she was in danger. so i took her hand and i told her to run. that was it, i never thought i'd see her again, though i'd secretly hoped if i survived that i would. and then i saw her the next day, because i survived the explosion. then she kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and ran into the tardis and that was it. i finally had somebody again.
"everywhere we went i grew more and more fond of her. she showed me how to smile again, how to forgive not only others but mostly myself. she showed me that there was always light at the end of the tunnel. no matter what, she never lost home, never stopped smiling. that was something rose tyler was good at, smiling." the doctor smiled, letting out a little chuckle. the smile quickly faded as he began to speak again.
"and then there was another war, a battle. the battle of canary wharf." rory furrowed his brows.
"hold on wait, i remember that. that was when-"
"the daleks and the cyberman came to earth. i tried to send her to a parallel universe so she'd be safe, but she refused. she had promised to stay with me forever, and she wouldn't let me force her to break her promise. but she fell. she was being sucked into the void. no one escapes the void, nothing can. at the very last minute, her father from the parallel universe i tried to leave her in zapped back and rescued her. but that was it." the doctor was crying. "the breach was closed. i was never going to see her again. and when we said goodbye, i never got to tell her i l-loved her.
"but then came the reality bomb. the daleks were stealing planets out of the sky and hiding them out of the normal time sync. i couldn't figure out why, but i turned around and there she was. rose tyler, my bad wolf, she was there in front of me. all i wanted was to have her in my arms.
"but then, the reality bomb was dismantled. we did it, martha, captain jack, mickey, donna, even sarah jane was there. and rose. but the walls started closing again. donna had accidentally created a human version of me using my spare hand from the time i lost my hand in a sword fight. the human me and rose tyler stayed behind in the parallel world with her father and her mother. i left her there a second time because she deserved, still does, deserve to be happy.
"i never got the chance to tell her i love her. i came close, every time i saw her it was like i was going to. but i just never could, i could never bring myself to admit to being in love because it was a concept i hadn't dealt with for long at that point.
"and that's why i'm able to love amy so much, and tell her because she's the first face this face saw. and she's seared onto my hearts. but she isn't rose. she's the best friend and sister that i didn't get to have after the rest left. amy is your rose, she isn't mine rory. and you don't need to worry about our friendship because i would never take someone's rose away from them." the doctor felt tears coming down his face. rory didn't know what to say.
how could he say anything in response to that? fortunately, or maybe unfortunately he wasn't really sure, he didn't have to.
"hey boys, what did i miss?" amy popped into the console room out of nowhere. she looked between rory, who was clearly in shock, and the doctor, who was crying and stopped in her tracks. "are you guys alright?"
"fine." the doctor smiled and wiped his tears. "you have nothing to worry about."
rory understood his double meaning to it. he smiled weakly at amy knowing he had nothing to worry about.
but he couldn't stop thinking about the doctor and how he had lost his amy, because rose was the doctors amy.
amy was rory's rose, and the doctor would never take away someone else's rose. but the doctor didn't have his any anymore.
