rose tyler... | doctor who

my doctor | twelverose

the doctor was angry. he was angry, never at rose, but himself. he hadn't meant to go old and grey when he regenerated. but his last 3 regenerations had gone younger and younger for her, so he was bound to go back to being older eventually.

he didn't realize it would be this bad.

and he couldn't stop thinking about what that dalek had said to him.

"you are not young anymore. how can you be her doctor if you do not look like the man she once knew?"

it shouldn't have gotten to him. the daleks would say anything to throw him off his game. rose has immediately reassured him that she was the doctor.

"you are the doctor. he used to be the doctor, but now it's you. don't forget that."

she had kissed his cheek before wandering off into her room in the tardis. it didn't usually take much convincing for the doctor to believe the words that rose tyler spoke to him, she spoke with such confidence and grace.

but now he was alone, rose asleep soundly in her room, and him in the center console questioning himself.

the tardis whirred and spoke to him through their telepathic link.

"no, i'm fine. there's nothing i can do about this face. eventually i'll get a new one." he grunted. the tardis continued to pester him.

'speak to her.'

"no. i'm fine."

'you are not fine. you are sad.'

"i'm the doctor. i don't get sad anymore, it's not what i do." he sighed. "i can't let these things hurt me anymore."

"let what things hurt you?" he nearly regenerated from pure fear at how quickly and quietly rose tyler had appeared.

"you scared me." he wheezed, offering her a crooked half smile.

"doctor, what's going on? the tardis said she wanted to show me something." rose crossed her arms and walked over towards him. "are you alright?"

the doctor didn't say anything, this regeneration being hard pressed to talk about his feelings with anybody, including rose. it was hard for her at first but she began to understand why he felt that way.

"doctor, what's bothering you?" her voice was so gentle he couldn't help but tell her.

"i can't stop thinking about what the dalek said. i don't look like your doctor anymore, i haven't for a while now. i'm old enough to be your granddad."

rose chuckled.

"maybe, but you've got a silver fox thing going on that's really starting to work for you." he let out a small chuckle and rose was glad she was seeing him smile. "don't keep doing this to yourself doctor, please."

he was silent for a moment, a serious look on his face.

"i try not too." rose nodded, waiting for him to continue. it took him a few minutes to find the words he wanted, this regeneration not being great with words. "but i've changed, this me, it's different. and-and i've realized that every man i am is different but with you, i've always felt like just the doctor. but now i'm realizing it's not that easy. not that simple."

"why can't it be?" her question startled him.

"what?"

"why can't it be that easy? you're the doctor. you're always the same person, really, you help people. you fly around in a magic blue box and show ordinary shop girls the stars." her signature smile made him visibly relax. "you may look different and even act different with every man you become. but you're still the doctor. you don't have to try to be anybody else, so why can't it just be that simple?"

the doctor sighed.

"look at you, always knowing what to say to make me feel better." the doctor gave her a weak smile. "thank you."

"it really is as simple as this." rose laid a hand on his shoulder. "you're a good man, doctor. you always will be."

"thank you." he whispered again. rose knew nothing else she could say would make him feel better so she did the only thing she could think of.

she pulled him into a hug, knowing he wasn't into physical touch but something about her scent made him physically relax.

'oh rose tyler,' he thought to himself, 'i wouldn't be the doctor without you, i hope you know that.'

he sighed. this time he whispered out loud.

"i hope you know that."