rose tyler... | doctor who

now i'm lost | tenrose

when you were young you used to dream about fires,

and scream into the night,

to find me standing barefoot at your side,

standing in the tardis, completely empty, the doctor finally allowed himself to think. it had been mere hours, maybe a day, since he had watched her almost lose her life to the void with the daleks and cybermen.

he had pressed buttons and levers and had spoken to her in a dream. finally, after so long it felt, she was coming. he could sense her.

i used to whisper it will be alright,

and lay down at your side,

and take your tiny hands into mine,

"stupid stupid manuel!" he threw it into the supernova he was burning up. knowing he'd never see her again was one thing, but the laws of the universe agreeing with him made it all that much more painful.

the tardis gave a little ping. looking at the monitor, he took a deep breath before beaming his projection to her.

she saw him and made her way over to him.

and how,

was i to know,

i'm not strong,

i should have saved you,

her face held such sadness, and he knew he wasn't gonna be able to hold it together when it was time to say goodbye.

"am i ever gonna see you again?" her sobs broke his hearts. the only thing in the whole world that he wanted was to reach out and hug her.

how could he ever accept the fact that there was nothing he could do to get her back? nothing he could do to save himself from losing her?

and oh,

i hope you know,

that you're my home,

but now i'm lost,

so lost,

he didn't even have time to collect his thoughts before someone materialized in the tardis a few feet in front of him.

"what?" he cried. no other words could come out as she frantically tried to figure out where she was.

he couldn't think of anything but rose. he hadn't even gotten to say it back to her.

i keep imagining those flames that did rise,

and blackened up the sky,

the light that showed you barefoot in the snow,

he kept having dreams about her. for days after he left her, the doctor couldn't even sleep. he wasn't even thinking of anything but her.

it was like everywhere he went. everything he saw and wherever he looked, rose was there.

she was sitting on the railing of the center console when he flipped levers and pressed buttons, her laugh floated through the air as he landed on another planet, and her smile flashed through his mind at random points throughout his day.

and then the fire started building up inside,

exploding blinding lights,

now i'm the one left screaming through the night,

his head felt ready to implode. nothing made sense without rose. she'd been there for him, helping him find himself again when he felt so far gone, and now she was gone.