hearts of metal

xli. i love you

They climbed out of the sewers and found themselves in an area Aelin recognized, not too far from the Guild.

Aelin silently led Rowan to an empty alley, where she slumped against the wall. Adrenaline was still running through her veins, but it was wearing off and leaving her limbs and breathing shaky.

"What the fuck was that thing?" Rowan asked.

She shrugged. "Something the Valg were playing with, I think. It wasn't natural. Those hounds practically had stone flesh. Like armor."

He frowned. A familiar crease appeared between his eyebrows as he thought.

"How'd you know where I was?" Aelin asked. She had been a bit baffled by his sudden appearance, but hadn't had time to ponder it before firing a shot and running.

Rowan sent her an unimpressed glance. It was clear that he was annoyed at her-jaw tense, fingers pulled into a fist-but he kept his voice level as he said, "We're in the mafia, Aelin. You weren't in your room, so I had Vaughan track your phone."

"Came to rescue me?" she drawled. Part of her was genuinely warmed by the concern, while the other part of her wanted to laugh at him. "My hero." There was an edge to her voice, as his words from three days ago echoed in her ears.

"Do you think this is funny?" he snapped. "You could have asked someone to go with you-"

"-Nox was with me, but he bailed. Rightfully so, I guess," she said.

"I meant one of us. You always hide things from us and then sneak out behind our back-"

"You haven't talked to me in three days, Rowan," she hissed, anger coloring her words.

"So you went alone?" he yelled. Her heart began to pound. "Do you know how insane that is? Stupid and reckless and impulsive," he continued. Her fingers were trembling, but not with anger. "Do you ever think-" he cut off.

"Why do you care?" Her voice was barely a whisper, eyes trained on the pained expression on his face.

"Because I love you, damn it!" he said. The words broke into the quiet night, shattering the silence. They hovered there for a beat, almost echoing in the narrow alleyway.

Her breath caught in her throat, lip quivering.

Rowan's anger subsided as he realized what he said. Repeating himself softly, "I love you. I'm in love with you."

Aelin's mind had blanked. "But you said...I wasn't sure..."

Rowan slumped against her, forehead pressed to hers. She wrapped her arms around his waist and listened to his heavy breathing.

He pulled away slightly, meeting her eyes with those pine green ones she loved so dearly.

She held her breath as she stared at him. Everything she'd tried to ignore for the past few days bubbled up.

"Ro-" her voice broke, as his hand drifted to cup her cheek.

And then his lips were on hers. His hands roved up her back, into her hair as they kissed.

She responded in turn, lifting up to her toes and angling her head up. Her hands circled his neck, pulling them closer. But it wasn't close enough for her.

His arms tightened around her waist, hoisting her up and pinning her to the wall. She gasped slightly, and he only deepened the kiss.

When they broke away, she found herself staring into his pine eyes. He was staring back at her with such a loving expression, that she suddenly felt her breath snatched from her chest.

Then he scrunched up his nose. "You smell like a sewer," he teased.

She laughed and punched his shoulder lightly. "Fuck you, so do you."

He softened at the sight of her smile and muttered, "let's go home."

Rowan was sprawled across Aelin's bed, listening to the water running. It was Aelin's tenth shower of the night (Rowan had taken six, alternating with her). The water stopped, and Rowan continued to stare at the ceiling in silence.

His fear from earlier hadn't quite worn off. Not fear for his own well being, so much as Aelin's. The thought of her having been hurt or worse by the stone hound filled him with bone deep dread.

He'd almost failed her. The same way he'd failed Lyria.

When the bathroom door finally opened, Rowan glanced over and his thoughts scattered. Aelin stood in the doorway in nothing but his shirt, revealing her long, bare legs. She was wringing her hair out with a towel, but her eyes went straight to him.

To his pleasure, she examined his bare chest with the same amount of appreciation he was sending her way.

He felt the sudden urge to chase her back into the shower and join her, to pin her to the wall...not now, Rowan.

Aelin made her way to the bed and crawled beside him. "So...can we talk now?"

He nodded, beyond relieved to hear her voice. Even her anger was better than him never hearing her speak again.

With uncharacteristic uncertainty that made Rowan's heart ache, she said, "did you mean what you said?" Her Ashryver eyes were wide and earnest. "Because it's fine if you didn't, I mean-"

"-I meant it, more than anything," he interrupted gently.

Her shoulders slumped. "Good. Because I..." she trailed off, and he shook his head.

"You don't have to say it," he told her. Even though he felt something in his chest slip at the thought of her not sharing feelings to the same extent.

"No, I want to. I need to," she said, and took a moment to compose herself. "I love you too, Rowan Whitethorn. And I have for a while."

He felt a grin overtake him, which she mirrored. It faltered as she said, "I've never said that to anyone. Romantically that is. I always regretted not being able to tell Sam how I felt before..."

Rowan watched the sorrow that flitted across her face. He knew a bit about regret, for sure. "I'm sure he knew," he said.

She smiled sadly. "Maybe. What happened at the gala the other day?"

He shifted closer to her, needing to feel her skin against his to say what he did next. His arm wrapped around her waist, and she nestled closer as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I told you about my nightmares, but there was something I didn't tell you. I'd been having nightmares about you instead, dying in her place. I just...I never thought I deserved another chance after her. Certainly not with you."

Aelin lifted her head up and frowned at him. "You do, Rowan. Deserve a second chance. You deserve the world. I know it, and so does Lyria."

"I just can't handle anything happening to you on my watch. I almost failed you already. Tonight-"

"-wasn't your fault. You didn't know what I was doing. Hell, I didn't know what I was doing." When he didn't seem convinced, she said sternly, "Repeat after me, Aelin Ashryver Galathynius is an idiot, and her recklessness is not my fault."

He chuckled softly and repeated the words anyway, feeling slightly lighter.

"But I love her anyway," Aelin continued.

"But I love her anyway," he repeated. And meant it.

"And we made it out in one piece," she said, a smile playing on her lips. She sighed and let her head fall back down onto his chest. "You'll stay tonight?"

"Nothing could keep me away." He pulled the comforter over them, noticing Aelin shiver slightly.

Rowan pressed a kiss to her forehead, swallowing a laugh as she murmured something sleepily under her breath. She was asleep within minutes, still sprawled across him.

With one last whispered, "I love you," he followed her into sleep.