Walking In Your Fleeting World || Dazai Osamu

Chapter-2: Breathing in this unchanging feeling

Introductory arc part 2/4

It's been 3 months since I've come to this world and started living in this strange situation. I wasn't born into poverty, so I've never imagined how hard stray life is. Street children dying of starvation, and killing each other for food is way too common for an unkind city like Yokohama. Nobody takes pity on us. We're the misfortune of this cursed city no one wants to take responsibility for.

Port mafia's (previous) boss is currently ruling over the city, filling it with murder, blood, injustice, crime, and chaos. It's a peaceful city, as long as you don't pay attention to the broken system. You have to bow down to the mafia regardless of how wrong their demand is. This makes me admire Mori a little, even though I detest him, his ruling is not as shitty.

Living in the midst of such violence and cruelty, you may think it's hell right? Well, it has some positive sides too. You can commit any crime, and easily pass it on the mafia. I took advantage of the mafia's name and stole food, spare clothing, and many other things. Doing such things while representing purity is kinda hypocritical, but my intentions are pure since I'm doing this to survive.

Aside from my cleaning job, I found a job delivering newspapers all across Yokohama. Upon seeing my ability they offered me a deal if I manage to deliver all the newspapers by myself, they'll fire all the deliverymen and give me 80% of the total amount they spend on employing them. In normal cases, I'd flip over the fact I'm not getting paid the amount I deserve, but the money they're offering is nearly enough to easily afford food for the 11 of us. So I took it. As stressful as running all around Yokohama may be, having a full stomach is more important. 

I also got a job at Yokohama's central library where I have to put the books away in their right place. It doesn't offer much money, but the manga section is always open for me to check out whenever I want. And THAT IS HEAVEN! Ever since I stepped into this world, I've never got to watch even a second of anime, but now I can read endless manga free of charge. I've never read such stories back in my original world, but they are all intriguing.

Ever since the kids' situation improved significantly due to my influence, a lot of trouble also rose. There are even more thieves trying to steal from us. Akutagawa has torn apart so many bodies in front of me, it's almost scary. Yokohama is scary. Every time I remember blood spilled everywhere I get sick to my stomach. I had no problem with blood in my adult life, but ever since I attempted suicide, seeing blood reminds me of that. Everything becoming blurry and hurting like hell, slowly losing the ability to move, and then feeling dizzy and numb... Its hell. This place is hell for me. 

I frequently have nightmares and a very hard time sleeping. It wouldn't be surprising if my body gives in to death before I meet Dazai.

On the plus side, all the kids, including Yamato and Hibiki, have started calling me "Nee-san" as in older sister. Akutagawa hasn't warmed up to me much, Gin was shy until I started teaching her how to read and write. She now spends hours at the library with me, as I put up the books, she reads and reads. She is surprisingly observant and intelligent and she learns pretty quickly too! She discusses book endings and other theories with me. The kids used to bad mouth her for being useless, but ever since I appeared and started caring for her, they backed off a little.

My main problem is Akutagawa. He constantly gets beaten up by older kids. I may have secured a way to keep his stomach filled every day, and made sure to give him drinks that keep his respiratory system healthy so he can avoid getting tuberculosis, but I can't control his violent nature. This child also doesn't shower and freezes when dogs appear in front of him even though he has killed dozens of humans. He doesn't know how to deal with dogs. Probably because he thinks he's a dog too. Chasing away dogs for him has become second nature at this point.