Walking In Your Fleeting World || Dazai Osamu

Chapter-17: That I wish for the end

DHC Aftermath arc 2/3

-10 AM-

-Riki's POV-

Where am I?

The question enters my mind the soon I open my eyes. The worn-down place in front of me doesn't feel familiar.

I gaze to my side and instantly freeze, remembering everything.

"Is it your habit to lose consciousness every few seconds?" Fyodor slowly speaks, his hands crossed, standing a meter away from me.

That wasn't a dream...

"Let's continue where we left off, now that you're well-rested." He comes closer, pulling the chair towards me. He sits down on it, setting his purple gaze on my face, "Are you willing to speak at the expense of your sister's safety?"

I close my eyes and shake my head, trying to rid of my blurry vision. It doesn't take away the fuzziness, instead reawakens the throbbing ache in my head, almost as if it's on fire.

I take in a long, deep breath.

That's right, Gin is in his hand.

It's no longer about me, she will also bear the consequences of my actions. My karma.

I look at Gin. She's still a tiny girl, only 12 years old. Her eyes are sleep deprived, the proof of staying up all night. She seems a bit pale, weaker than before. She didn't eat, did she? She is confused and scared, slightly trembling.

It's all my fault... if I never appeared before them, she wouldn't meet Fyodor... starving on the roads till Dazai picked them up is much better than this...

I'm the worst person ever.

"You're probably aware I'm not incapable of hurting innocent children." His calm voice turns cold, as he looks at Hiroto standing pitifully behind him. He is holding the knife again. He takes a step toward Gin. She tries to back off, understanding what is gonna happen.

Don't hurt her.

I want to say, but no sound comes out. My throat is parched and soar, still aching from all the screaming.

If you respond, it will be the start of an end.
A painful end.

I clutch the edges of the table, holding my breath. Karma turned on! I don't wanna take in Fyodor's emotions!

All of a sudden a mix of terror and sadness completely covers me. I hide my face with my hands, tears start rolling down my face and my entire body shivers as if I'm being frozen to death.

'Calm down! It's not your emotion! Try to identify whose emotion it is and separate yourself from it.' Ango's words appear inside my brain. He tried giving me many advice, but failing to follow through I just turned transparent. Now I no longer have that option, I need to make this happen!

Terror...Terror...It belongs to Gin...? That's right. Then sadness... it's not Fyodor's... Hiroto? Unbearing sadness, I felt that way before... I know it... It's when... it's when you feel useless... It's when... no matter how much you try, you know for a fact you cannot do anything about it. It's when your world ends, and you have no way to think past... It's grief. Losing a dear one.

Then what about Fyodor? Where's his emotion? He's not feeling any?

"Actions and consequences, isn't that what Karma is about?" Fyodor starts speaking again, "You seem to care about that quite a lot. You always make sure your actions never come back to bite you, therefore aware of your consequences."