Dipper began to internalize Bill’s words. Had he just deliberately been keeping him around just to harm him? The thought alone made him sick to his stomach.
He did have to admit that he still had resentment tucked deep inside of himself; he also had to face it.
He found the demon sitting on the back porch steps, looking wistfully out into the woods. He looks awful in the sense of health. The entity doesn’t acknowledge Dipper at all.
“You’re thinking about going away again aren’t you?”, the boy said sitting next to the beast his weight shifting and creaking on the wooden planks.
The entity remains quiet. The chirping of the early morning birds took over the conversation as the brunette twiddles his thumbs, that same anxiety rising in him as it did when he was a kid. He almost started making a mental list of things to say.
“I’m sorry Dipper…., I don’t know what else to say.”, he says holding his own arms.
“No, no it was on me this time. I messed up, what I said was messed up.”
“But, you weren’t wrong…”, the demon said almost reflexively.
Both of them sigh.
“I know you’re trying Bill, I should too. You weren’t wrong either…It’s just hard.”
“You’re talking.”, the entity said defeatedly.
Silence consumes the air.
“I made a deal with Ford too…”
“No wonder…”, the boy said shaking his head emotionally kicking himself for being so harsh and rude.
“I won’t be able to hurt anyone as I did ever again. He was adamant about it.”, he smiles thinking fondly of his old friend.
He can remember a time when they both got along better than anyone else. His yellow eyes pan over to Dipper, who is slowly replacing him.
Bill is reminded of the mindscape, memories of teeth, screams, and terror flooding back to him. He blinks fluttering to real-time. Dipper was getting up and heading inside.
He hadn’t even noticed that he told him he’d be back. Laying right next to him is Dipper’s journal, it must have slipped out of his coat pocket. He reaches for it, cautiously watching the door.
He flits through the book impressed by his organized handwriting. He rolled his eyes, at least he’s neat, unlike Ford. He begins to read one of the prior entries. Eyes scanning the pages quickly so as to not be caught.
"Tonight was Gravity Fall’s night festival. I decided to get out of the house to take my mind off things. I thought that it would be a good opportunity to get out of the house.
(Especially for Bill, been cooped up in the Shack for a while; must get ansty). I’ve been really upset about what happened at the party with Mabel. She always does that to me, it’s like she doesn’t care. I don’t want to think about it. I wish things could just go back to the way they were before. I don’t remember it being that way at least.
Took the Ferris wheel all the way up, I think Bill enjoyed it. To be honest, I think that was the first time I felt comfortable around him."
The demon puts the book back and smiles, he didn’t need to know any more than that to be satisfied. He’s found himself becoming more content with the little things lately. Dipper comes back a little while later with cups of tea.
He keeps his eyes under his cap with a nervous expression. He sits down as soon as he is settled in Bill scootches closer. He takes one of dipper’s hands in both of his and looks him dead in the eyes.
“Uh…Bill.”, the boy’s face and ears flush, a timid smile inching across his face. The demon prepares himself for this conversation while squeezing the boy’s hand.
“Tell me how I made you feel. I want to know. I don’t want you to have to keep it in anymore …”, he said with a clear and soft-spoken tone. “Take as long as you need, but, I’m ready to listen.”. He says this as sincerely as he can muster for his tiredness. “I …at least want to try to make things better for you, the best I can .” The boy’s gaze became downcast with a prickly feeling of being in the wrong.
“Okey, well…It’s a lot. To be honest, most of it isn’t even about you anymore and that’s just because It was so long ago. I don’t like to drudge on them, but it’s something I never truly got over either…I probably never will.” Bill agrees, nodding his head.
His yellow eyes soften right into dipper’s words. Something arose within the demon then. This sensation was akin to compassion, a serene feeling that settled across his shoulders like a weighted blanket.
He wanted more than anything to understand him; to know him. It was as if this boy could keep him here forever; captured just by speaking.
Those words had to be heard by the beast. These things make his heart ache. Though, simultaneously this gave him a sense of wholesomeness. A piece of himself that had been missing for millennia was finally fitting back into place.
He’d come to cherish this boy’s existence, so raw, so human. This was a state of being in imperfection that felt complete in its own perplexing way.
“And…in the end. I still couldn’t find it in my heart to hate you, Bill. I…I had to let it go for the longest time. I thought you were dead, that it was all over, that I could move past it. But, It was too much for me. And now, you’re here….and, you aren’t the same as before. The past is coming back to bite you enough as It is…”.
Dipper huffs, he’s speaking more clearly and thoughtfully now that he’s sorted out his anger.
“I get it….it’s weird for both of us.”, He gives the boy a reassuring smile. The two are indirectly mending each other’s wounds. The scars will be permanent yet more bearable to look at.
“Guess, we’ll figure it out along the way.”, dipper shrugged. Bill imitates one of the gestures that the boy tried time and time over to get him to do. He perked up and proceeded to give the demon a fist bump.
They laughed together a little going back to casual conversation and banter to lighten the mood. There was a different air between the two now. A barrier had been broken, one that had been looming over both of them. Perhaps, a trust could start to seep through the cracks.
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Don't Forgive Me
Fanfiction(Billdip) This stories events are post storyline, what would happen if your worst enemy came back? What if the only way to help him , was to share his punishment ? Can it be done ? What if they could heal the damage that had been caused? What if the...
