The Right Side of Wrong

So, You Need A Crew?: Part 2

Veronica's POV:

Maxie Zeus? She wants professional advice, so she takes us to a seminar run by this dickhead?

Zeus: "I am Maxie Zeus! And tonight, I 'max' all your dreams come true!"

The audience cheers, while Ivy and I roll our eyes.

Ivy: "This guy's such a douche."

Me: "Not the word I'd use, but yeah."

Harley: "Oh, I'm sorry, but none of the charming villains with great personalities were holding seminars today."

Zeus: "Joker, Riddler, Two-Face. What do they have, that you don't?"

Ivy: "A penis?"

I laugh loudly before Zeus says something different.

Zeus: "A crew! A villain goes in alone, but a supervillain needs henchmen. When I robbed the 1996 Olympics-"

The audience cheers loudly at his brag.

Zeus: "Oh, thank you very much. Just lovely. Fun times. My crew helped me steal those medals. And now, I literally sleep on a pile of gold."

Harley: "Guys, you hear that? Sleeps on gold!"

Ivy: "You know, with the amount of coke this guy does, I doubt he's sleeping on anything."

Me: "Or anyone, from what I've heard."

Ivy and I fist-bump as Zeus goes on.

Zeus: "So, how does one recruit goons? Through a henchman agency, or from popular villain-"

Harley raises her hand to ask a question.

Zeus: "Yes, the juggler in the third row."

Juggler?

Harley: "Mr. Zeus, I tried those things and they didn't work."

Zeus: "You can't let rejection stop you. Think about the big boys. Darkseid, Luthor, Maxie. Are we quitters?"

Crowd: "No!"

Zeus: "Neither are you!"

Zeus winks at Harley, who smiles in excitement.

Ivy: "Ok, I'm out. You coming, Ronnie?"

Me: "And leave her alone with 'dick-for-brains'? Not happening."

Ivy nods in understanding and leaves, while Harley drags me over to his dressing room. She opens the door to find him half-dressed.

Harley: "Oh, sorry, sorry. Didn't know you were busy."

Zeus: "No, no. Come in. Just letting my legs breathe."

Harley takes a seat in the chair across from him, while I stand by the door in case I need to break those legs.

Zeus: "Who's the emo chick?"

Me: "Excuse me?"

Harley: "Veronica Quinzel, my sister. You may know her as Miss Mayhem. Listen, you were so inspiring. If you don't mind, I got a couple questions."

Zeus: "And I've got one big answer."

He claps his hands, causing music to start and the lights to change. He then pulls a curtain to reveal an overcompensatory self portrait.

Harley: "Wow. That's just like one of those paintings, you know, where the eyes follow you, except, nope, it's just your greased-up nipples."

Zeus: "Just between us. I painted it. Shh."

Oh, dear Gods, save me.

Harley: "Weird. So, hey, I was wondering if you'd just give me some pointers."

Zeus: "Well, I can certainly give you one."

I turn away, my hand shielding my right side as Zeus spreads his legs.

Harley: "Ah, got it! So, you're just a creepy dick. I'm not fucking you."

Zeus: "Oh, really? You were laughed out of UTI. Yeah, word gets around. You'll never get a crew! Because no bad guy will ever work for a woman. My two cents."

Harley: "Then, here's mine. See a urologist, 'cause 'creepy dick' wasn't just an insult, it was a concern.

Zeus: " Fine. Is there a reason your sister's moniker has 'Mayhem' in the title?"

Me: "Hard pass."

Harley: "And if no bad guy will ever work for me, then maybe I don't need a bad guy."

{Time skip}

Ivy: "Harley, I told you this, I work alone."

Frank: "Alone-ish."

Ivy: "Don't even get me started right now."

Harley: "Come on, Ive. WIth your ability to control plant life on Earth, Ronnie's ability to control everything on Earth, and both our gymnastics, I mean, there's nothing we can't do if we team up."

Ivy: "I said no. I mean, I got a brand. You know? It's like adding gymnastics, mind-reading, & the elements to it, it's a very muddled message."

Frank: "Tell her the real reason, you lying motherfucker."

Ivy: *sighs*  "Oh, God, here we go. All right, look, there's a glass cieling for female supervillains, ok? Like, sure, we're tolerated, but as long as we don't get too powerful."

Me: "Oh, I remember this speech. You gave it to me after I moved in and became Miss Mayhem. Can I help tell the story of 'Queen of Fables' this time?"

Ivy nods, while Harley dons a confused look.

Harley: "Queen of who now?"

Frank: "Guess whose naive ass hasn't heard of the Queen of Fables. Go on, ladies, tell your story. I'll set the mood."

Frank dims the lights as Ivy kicks off the story.

Ivy: "All right, all right. Thanks, Frank. So, a long time ago, way back in the '80s. There was this powerful sorceress, right? She was known as the Queen of Fables."

She nods for me to pick up where she left off, so I continue.

Me: "Fed up by being a footnote to the male supervillains, she decided to turn Gotham into an evil force by using sorcery to pull characters from the pages of storybooks."

Ivy: "Until, she had a whole army at her command."

Harley: "Well, what happened to her?"

Ivy & I: "Ask her yourself."

Ivy hands her a business card with the address to a local tax company.

TO BE CONTINUED