HOPELESS LOVE [CHOI SEUNGCHEOL]

CH: 32

Shasha

I was about to dry my hair with the hairdryer but he came inside. I was still upset, because of what happened earlier, I needed some time, just to recollect myself. A warm shower helped; the warm water helped me to feel better.

He came and stood beside me infront of the mirror. I looked at him, he looked like he wanted to tell me a lot of things.

"Let me do this" I was surprised, he took the hair dryer from my hand. I was about to stop him and protest, "just stand here and let me do this, relax"

I hate it how his words work on me, I let him do what he wants to do, but his actions always confuse him, as I told him earlier. I hate how his actions tell me something else and give me hope that this might not be fake for him but he cares and he cares more than he shows, he makes me think that everything is not for show, there is something true that others don't need to know but it would be just between me and him. Something very private and after all maybe this is not my hopeless love for him.

I could tell he was doing it very carefully and softly; his hands were caressing my hair very softly, it feels good to have someone do this to your hair. I hate to admit but I love it, and I am kind of glad he wanted to do this.

I looked in the mirror and saw his reflection, and his eyes they told me, he was doing it with a lot of delicacies and ....love. or is it me who is dreaming about this word 'love'

"And you're done" he switched off the power and took out the plug. He kept the hair dryer on the table, "you can keep it inside later on"

I looked at him, unable to say anything. He took my comb and combed my hair; I was just too shocked to say anything to him. I was just shocked and was looking at him doing things to my hair.

"done" he turned me so that I could look at him. My back was touching the dressing table and I was looking down, I refused to look at him. There were two possibilities, either I will melt down and forget that I was upset or else I would just yell at him for behaving like this and breaking me.

"Shasha" I refused to look at him.

"look at me" I was still looking down, and I saw his hand moving. He held my chin and lifted it so that I can look at him, and he could look at me, my eyes.

"I know you were upset, but trust me everything wasn't intentional. I am sorry you had to worry about me and how everything turned out. I won't behave like this anymore, I am so sorry"

"Sorry must be your favorite word Seungcheol" I somewhat hated myself for saying that, but he was making me more upset, I wanted to stop myself from speaking further but how to stop "you always do this, ALWAYS. Sometimes when you visit us, you see Soobin and act differently, I know it hurts, it's not only you who is hurting, so please, please Seungcheol. End this." I took a breath, "if you think nothing can work out just end this, end this misery. It's been a month only and this month is Soobin's wedding, what after that? I hate to remind you this but after Soobin's wedding we will have two months, I hate to ask you this but what are we doing? I am trying Seungcheol, I am trying but looking at you so upset sometimes I just..." before I could tell him anything, I felt arms embracing me, I didn't notice I was breaking down infront of him, "Please Shasha, don't say we need to end this because I promise I won't repeat something like this. This would be the last time"

How much I wanted to tell him that I hate this, I hate how I melt and breakdown, I hate how much I am hurting myself because of him. Sometimes I just wish I could tell him, please just be mine, think about me, forget about Soobin, please try to be the Seungcheol I know not like this who acts without thinking.

He was caressing my hair, I was trying to calm down and trying to forget the way I told him everything. I realized I want him to be with me, take care of me, and surprise me more with these small things, how things would've been if the wasn't with me, it scares me. Just the way I sometimes deal with him when he is upset, he deals with me and my tantrums as well. He just knows how things are and how to make things better after they get a bit upside down.

It's been a little more than a month since we are together and one month was enough for me to fall deeper in love, how much I wanted to hold myself back from falling deeper but nothing helped. Every day I fell more, he was taking care of me and behaving just the way usually couples do. I always wanted to stop him and ask him why is he doing all these when everything is supposed to be fake, and we don't need to act when it's just us and we are not infront of anyone but he just does the way he wants, all these things confuses me and giving me a hope everything can change between us slowly.

I hope I hated to see in his eyes because somehow it felt like it was just me who being delusional and believing these things because I just want to believe these, although deep down I know nothing's gonna be true afterall, all these things he is doing, it's just a show.

"I left without even telling you, I know that's my fault and I apologize for that but I didn't think you would call me so many times or it didn't hit me that I should tell you that I'm alone in the church because I wanted some time alone because I didn't think you would actually start searching for me. and about my phone, you know it always stays on silent and today I forgot to check my phone from morning whether it's on silent or not, that's why I didn't know you called." His head was resting on top of my head, I could feel his breathing. "thank you for listening to me" he sighed, I felt it "thank you for coming for me."

Now how am I supposed to take that as now? I wanted to cry my eyes out. I was feeling so confused, hurt, broken and his words are not helping me at all. They are telling me to breakdown, in his arms. I feel messed up, what am I doing to myself, how did I become so weak? Because of him, did love really break me or am I getting healed? I can't see anything anymore.

Author's Note :

HAPPY SEUNGCHEOL DAYYYY 🥺🍒🎈🎂❤️ IT'S SEUNGCHEOL'S DAY UWU 

I hope I can update more chapters because it's Seungcheol day, hope you like it. I'm so excited, he's in Canada and celebrating his birthday twice is so fun 🥺🥺 once on plane and another in Canada's timezone. I am sooo happy, and since the tour is starting and I am double excited. 

Happy reading :)