Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Chapter 5

Chapter Five
                    CHRISTOPHER POV

      I guess you can say the world stops at one point. But you just can't tell when or how. And I always thought that the world just spun in this circle, that it kept us all check and all of us were moving with it. But if that were true, we'd all not be able to tell what the changes are in this world. And apparently I still feel like I'm a failure in a way. Not just to myself, but to everyone who is around me.

   I had to deal with almost losing someone I love very deeply. And the worst part is that I have to understand that there's going to be these consequences of losing people around me. I had watched my own apartment scream in flames. I had watched a bullet go off and almost kill the girl I love. It was supposed to be me, and at the same time, I actually wish I took that bullet instead. I had to watch Emma go through hell with her own boyfriend at the time. Noah has wrecked her for life. And I hope I can help her get past all the agony that was inflicted on her by him. But Noah was insane, and I want nothing now but to keep her safe with me. I want her to be safe, and I want her to feel like she can run to me about anything. And I know trust will not be easy for her, especially after everything she has gone through.

    I somehow wish I could close my eyes and then my problems could be fixed. But everything is going to take time and patience. And I'm willing to help Emma through this traumatic time. And I'm not someone who will cut her deep with a knife. I want to help her through her worst. With rainy days and sunny days. I just know that Emma is who I care about so much that I'm afraid if I walk away that she might fall and break and that I might lose her. You can call me overbearing or clingy, but it's how I am with her at the moment. Feeling protective, and just super overbearing because of how much I love her.

    I will say... since Emma was in the hospital, there was a lot that actually went on. Things I have yet to tell Emma about. And I want to, but I need to find the right moment to tell her when it's right. When I know she'll be comfortable to hear. For example, her parents had a small affair during the time we were in New York. Am I pissed about it? Yes, very. Can I go outrageous at my stepfather? No, I cannot. I feel like he should be the one to tell his daughter about the affair. My mother and Edward have such crazy energy whenever one is in the room. Last week, they both would take turns being in Hallie's nursery or when they greet the babysitter off. And it is actually very frustrating to watch. I know mom is trying to be brave as she always is. And Edward just wants to move on and pretend it didn't happen. If that's true, then why has he been sneaking off on the phone being a little whisperer like he's holding secrets like he's in third grade or something. And like I said, it's very frustrating.

   I want nothing more but to let Emma be around her family she loves and cares about. But, with mom and Edward acting so strange, that I know Emma will figure it out. And if she knows I knew, she might become super infuriated with me. But I just want to tell her at the right time. And I want her to be happy. She went through so much as it is. But I know if Edward and mom don't get their shit together, I will lose it. It's bad enough that Edward doesn't want Emma to know that he and her mother had a one night stand together by hooking up. And I wish that it actually never happened. I wish I didn't overhear that damn conversation while in the hallway of the hospital. And none of this is fair. Not to me, not to my mother, Hallie, Gavin or even Emma. And I just want them to figure it all out which is why I don't want Emma living there with them. I want her to move in with me. But she has refused my offer. And not that I can blame her. Besides, Edward doesn't want Emma to know about it because he's afraid she'll be angry at him and then cut him out of her life again. So, I'm torn between my stepfather's wishes of keeping a secret from my stepsister but also my girlfriend and I'm also torn from not telling Emma anything about Edward and Rachel's affair.