Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Part II: Chapter Four

C H R I S T O P H E R P O V:

First of all, it isn't my fault that I lost my memory of the last four years. I actually lost a lot right now because I feel like I'm being picked at little by little. And I hate every fucking memory that Emma mentions. I'm sorry I can't remember her or what we had. What am I supposed to do? To just go along with it? How am I supposed to do that when I don't know her. She's a stranger. She's not anyone I know. How could anyone possibly love her? She's not my type.

   I can't believe Emma right now. It's bad enough when she looks at me, she looks like she's so in love with me and I absolutely feel nothing for her. I see her brown eyes and she looks sad, eager, and in love. And I actually feel somewhat guilt, like I'm the one messing up. But I'm not, I'm upset and frustrated that my memory is not there. I'm trying to remember but whenever I feel close to it, it slips. And I absolutely can't get it. It's something Emma doesn't understand. She misses the old me. The one she laughed with and the one she loved. But another thing is, she is in my ear and constantly shoving the past in my face. And I don't know how to feel about it but anxious and annoyed. I just don't see the point in keeping up with the past. It's not gonna make me remember her any better or any less.

I will admit, I was fucked up for burning for the pictures. But I thought it was the best thing in order for her to let go and move on. And I know every story about us because she told me. She told me about her toxic relationship with Noah. And how I dated her friend, Peach. And that is nowhere in my mind.

Every time I feel like I'm remembering I grasp it for a second and then it just falls away and fades and it's gone like the wind. It's the worst thing. But how is this even necessary? I'm certain that my memory is there but it's leaving for good. I don't care what anyone says or thinks. My memory is gone. Who I am now is the new me.

How did I get myself in this awful ridiculous position? And I don't think that I had ever been treated like this in my life. Emma literally abandoned me. She fucking left me stranded on the road here. If I walk it's going to take me a while to get back. How could she be so cold like this? Okay, I'll admit what I said was a dick move of me. I guess I deserved to get left out here. But now I'm gonna be stuck here on the road trying to walk back.

I took out my phone, and when I did, I pulled up a GPS on Google maps so I could see where I am. I'm literally not far from a nearing highway and going past that is a plaza. But there was no way that I'm going to get there. And I wasn't sure what to do at this point. I thought about calling Ty to pick me up but then I thought it would be stupid because then it would make me look like someone who is going to let girl boss me around. So I decided not to call him.

Suddenly it started to rain, and I actually hated it now because I'm stuck here in the rain. And suddenly the sky was gray clouds and then the wind started to pick up and I was soaked from head to toe. And then, I heard thunder rumbling above me. And the rain came down harder, pouring.

   I knew there was no way I'm coming out of this alive. The rain came down so heavy that I felt like I had just came out of a lake. I had made it clear in my head that this is not the place I want to be. Stranded out on a street and I literally got no idea where I'm going. Emma did this to be petty. I get it, I'm such an asshole. And I'm sorry that I don't remember her. But what does she expect me to do? To go back and just play along of being the old me? Or does she want me to lie and say I got my memory back? I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Nobody has any idea what I have to go through with not having my memory. I lost so much that I hate myself for it. I'm actually working on my memory, but Emma thinks that I need to remember for her. But it's just not gonna happen. Not like this in a million years.

   I'm in Law school. Last time I checked, I never wanted to be what my dad originally planned before I came into his and mom's life. When I was twelve, I promised myself I would make my dad proud. I would become a artist. It's something I always had passion for besides poetry and old books. So there would be no other reason for me to not do that. But I'm in my life where I'm in my last and fourth year at UC Hastings. And I work at a sit down chic aesthetic high class restaurant. What life is this? Because I know it isn't mine.