Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Chapter 17

PHOTO OF EMMA ABOVE ⬆️:

                        Chapter Seventeen
                               EMMA POV:

I was surrounded by all of our friends at the party but I started feeling a little uncomfortable because the last time I was at a party like this in a house indoor party quite like this I was drugged and raped and I clearly still have that achy feeling in my bones sped up with horrible anxiety that it actually makes me sick.

I had placed down my cup, barely able to finish the beer inside it. I thought to myself that I shouldn't be drinking anything at all in case someone might do something. And I literally just had to get up and I know I was causing these dreadful symptoms to head on me as if I been drugged. I was suffering with paranoia all over again just like that night when Josh took advantage of me. And I cannot even explain it because I feel so sick inside. I literally found every reason to get out of our sitting room and I already felt like I might gag or vomit. But it wasn't that I was going to vomit, but that I wanted to vomit. I wanted the alcohol out of my system as quick as possible.

The music hit to my head so loud that I felt lightheaded. I had raced right to the stairs and I walked up as fast as possible. I heard Victoria call after me, but I could barely hear her and I ignored her getting to the top of the landing. And when I got there I emerged into the master bedroom and I didn't even shut the door. I raced right to the master bathroom by pushing the door open. I had opened it wide and I dropped to my knees and I leaned over the toilet bowl and I had reached my two fingers going down into the back of my throat... forcing myself to gag up. I choked out whatever I needed to as the vomit just poured out of my mouth in a liquid form from my mouth and into the toilet. I breathed with a gasp, and I just knew I was saved after vomiting the alcohol that was in my system.

I sighed of relief, because this was the last thing that I wanted. I just felt uncomfortable that someone here might want to hurt me like Josh did. I don't know Wyatt or Trevor that well. I don't know if one of them will try something on me. So I had to force myself to vomit like I'm some bulimic teen. But I just don't care, because I'm quite upset with myself for having this phobia of getting drugged.

And I hate Josh for doing this to me. And after he attacked me in the parking lot two weeks ago, I'm sometimes afraid that he might be outside my house just watching me. When I get dressed in the morning, I always make sure the blinds are shut. I always keep the light on when I sleep at night. I always carry a peppermint spray with me when I go outside to get the mail from the mailbox. I even carry my peppermint spray when I go out for a run around the block at six in the morning or even when I'm walking the dog. Because I'm scared Josh will come after me. And by the way he acted in the parking lot... he wants to give me pain because of where Noah is. And now that I been thinking... maybe the wrong brother is locked up. Noah is on pills, he's getting the treatment he should've been on all along. But Josh. There's no cure or treatment for someone who is an abuser, someone who degrades women, someone who beats women or drugs them. He is a psychopath. And I know that he was crazy when I saw him two weeks ago. He was after Christopher the whole time... because he is after this vengeful chase for Christopher. He wants me and Christopher to suffer. He wants us to cry. He wants us to have miserable excruciating pain. But I've been through enough pain as it is.

I clearly want justice for myself. And for any girl or woman who has been sexually abused, assaulted or harassed by this man. He thinks he can put his hands on any woman he comes across. And I won't call out his danger manipulation. Noah was never a bad guy. He has a motive. He came from a terrible past. His mother was abusive to him, his brother abused him, he had been a child of an affair, and he was diagnosed with bipolar schizophrenia personality disorder at a young age. And it clearly must run in the family. If Noah was taking the medications maybe he wouldn't have been the way he was. Or maybe he would. Or even if he went to anger management classes or therapy. But unfortunately he did none of those things so he was a bad person. And I can't say that any of it is an excuse. Because it's not. He still hurt me no matter what. He let his brother take advantage of me. He cheated on me left and right. He would put his hands on me, verbally and emotionally abuse me. And I know I didn't deserve what I went through.