Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Part II: Chapter Twenty One

C H R I S T O P H E R POV:

Why didn't I tell her?

I could do nothing except hate myself. I was so angry that I had to pull over and just think to myself about this. I promised Lindsey I would tell her about our engagement and I became a sudden fucking coward. What the fuck is wrong with me?

   I don't know how I'm going to face Lindsey and tell her that I didn't tell Emma about our engagement. I just made things from complicated to severely embarrassing, cowardly more complicated. How could I have done that? I know it was a stupid thing of me to do. And when I finally do have the balls to tell Emma she's gonna fucking hate me more because I didn't tell her. And if Ty sees her or my mom their obviously going to tell her. So now I'm just fucking screwed at this point. I could just turn back around and tell her. But then no, it's going to make me look dumb and then she's gonna hate me because I walked away and didn't tell her right away. So now I know that I totally messed everything up.

  Okay so maybe this isn't such a big deal. Maybe I'm freaking out. Maybe I'm paranoid. Maybe it's just all in my head. I mean, Emma doesn't have to know when I got engaged. So I can just tell her tomorrow. We can maybe meet up and then I'll tell her about my engagement. Because she deserves to know. And I can just tell that to Lindsey. I'm sure if I tell Lindsey she'll understand, right?

I just start to drive again after a minute of thinking about all of this. So I decided to just take off. And while driving I just kept thinking that I am truly such a bad person. Im a liar to Emma. Why did I do that? And I kept something important from her. And now I have to go home and explain everything to Lindsey. Im gonna have to explain to her that I was unable to tell Emma. Well that's gonna make me look even worse to Lindsey. And I can't hide my resentment towards myself.

I had gotten off the freeway, and I had gone onto the normal road and I just drove, blocking everything else out. And when I did, I had come to terms with that I'm in deep shit right now. I would usually call Ty up for advice, but he won't even talk to me. So I'm just gonna act like nothing bothers me. But I don't need advice. I can absolutely fix this on my own.

I pulled into the driveway and there was Lindsey outside washing her car for some reason. And I had this anxiety the whole time that I had to park my car, turn it off and think of what to say to Lindsey. Because there's no excuse. But I'm still in some deep shit. What have I done?

   Okay if I'm being honest with myself the real reason was because I saw how happy she was and I refused to bring her spirit down. I don't want her to hate me. So I did everything to not tell her. But I had it right there. I was too close to telling her. But then I just couldn't fucking tell her. Because I'm a coward. And I literally don't know what else to say? And all I wanted was to kill my thoughts right now. But what the heck am I gonna tell Lindsey? Lindsey is gonna be so mad when she finds out I didn't tell Emma.

   I had unbuckled myself but I had stayed silent. And just too quickly, I thought of nothing else but to fix this mess that I made. Lindsey was outside dressed in her red romper, washing down her car with the watering hose. And I just zoned out of my own reality. I was feeling so guilty. This sucks for both Emma and Lindsey. But I have to be honest with Lindsey. I can't lie to her about this.

   I had just sat there and while I was rounded up in my own head, there was a knock on my window. I quickly was pulled out of my thoughts and I came to the reality I was hiding from. And then there was Lindsey, waving at me. I had put down my window.

  "Hey babe, your back a lot sooner." Lindsey leaned right against my car window as I had frowned to myself but I ended up looking right at her. "Hey... what's wrong? Has Emma got your tongue?"