Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Chapter 6

Chapter Six

We drove to our parents house which wasn't a long drive. I had to stop at the nearest gas station along the way to fill up my tank. And it was enough for back and forth between Los Angeles and Santa Monica back and forth.

When we got into the driveway, after a drive of us just marathoning of old 1980s music on the radio. And of course, I had parked my car and I had turned off the car. And I was just staring at the house that I lived in when I was eighteen. And I still feel like I might own myself to be in this house. And I actually felt attracted to this place, no matter what. If I'm to see my mother and Edward have any bad energy then I won't know what to do. And I actually hate seeing my mother lonely and depressed. And she only had been this sad looking when she had lost my father, and of course her postpartum depression which was after I was born. But clearly, it must be so hard to even bare to see my mother like this because of Edward.

    Having dinner with Edward and my mom, I thought it was such a bad idea, knowing everything that was going on. I really wanted to have the night with Emma, to actually be alone with my girlfriend. But I couldn't say no to Edward, because I realized how selfish and self-centered that would be. And I know that Emma isn't dumb. I know in time, she'll find out the truth. And I can't face to tell her. I know that Edward should be the one to tell her. After all, he is the one who fucked up. And I don't want this to be awkward. And I know my mom very well. She'll put on a smile. Basically this mask, and however, she will do and say anything just to do what is best for Emma. But Edward and I— it'll be different. And I guarantee that Emma will catch us acting strange. But if I have to, I'll put my feelings aside. I play along and be kind towards my stepfather. But I'm still feeling like he might actually make tonight all about him and Emma. Basically throwing himself in the spotlight, and basically making it all about him and not about Emma.

I've never felt this terrified feeling before because Edward makes me want to say and do crazy things. And he just put so much on my shoulders. He's forcing me to keep secrets from Emma. And that, I cannot stand. I can't just lie to her. And if she finds out that I kept so much from her, I can only imagine what it'll do to her. Or maybe I can't because I don't want to know. All I want to do is just scream but I am having to decide to choose sides. And clearly, I don't know how I can redeem myself by deciding to pick. How do I pick between my girlfriend and also stepsister. And my crazy, narcissistic, lying, deviant behavioral stepfather. How do I choose? And Edward has made it very clear that he doesn't want Emma to know the truth.

Edward might say he has the right to see Emma's mother, Rachel. But is he just seeing her? Maybe it's more. Maybe he is still sleeping with her. If that's even what he calls it. But I'm not sure if I can trust or believe anything he says. And right now it is hurting me. And I can't tolerate to lie to Emma like this. But I will allow myself to let all of this go. But if anything gets out of line, I will do my best by actually starting to tell Edward how I feel. And I want nothing but to punch him, he doesn't deserve this night at all. And I hope this night is not about him.

    I had just realized I was stuck in my car, just staring at the house while still just parked in the driveway. And I am certain that tonight might be quite a night for all of us. But how am I to go in there and be proud and happy as if everything is okay when everything surely is not okay? How?

   "I think we're supposed to not get ahead of ourselves and show up at the front door." Emma said flatly to me, as she interrupted my thoughts that were going on in my head unlike anything.

   "Yeah, sorry." I replied, realizing I had my headlights on when it wasn't even dark yet. Barely sunset.

  "Don't be sorry to me. You just seem a little nervous." She had jumped to this assumption so quickly it almost shook me. "Are you alright?"