Always Mine {Book 3}| Completed

Part II: Chapter Eleven

            C H R I S T O P H E R   POV:

   I wish I could say that it's getting easier and getting better. But unfortunately, I feel like it is getting much harder. I'm unable to remember anything, at least not in the last four years and I hate myself. And I know I have dreams sometimes of things that I think are part of my lost memories. I sometimes dream about things... I dream about a fire, gun, and how I'm stuck in a room where there's fire. But when I hear a female voice call my name I wake up before I can see who it is. And it ends the same every time. And this dream scares me that I wake up covered in sweat.

It's been a week since I last saw Emma. It was the day we made amends and she took the rest with her. And I wish she would've stayed. But she wanted to leave, because she obviously doesn't want to fix me. She knows that she can't help me. She knows that I am a lost cause. I go every week to my therapist and she tells me that my brain is wired so deep that it could feel damaged that maybe it's just taking me a long time to get my memories back. But I still have yet to tell her about my dreams I've been having. And I guess I'm terrified about what is to happen or what she might say about my dreams.

  Maybe that dream really happened. But, I'm just not sure. I try to talk to my mom about these things but she wants to not talk about nothing. She tells me to find out for myself and she thinks I will remember my past. She tells me I have to let it come to me and let it take its time. Mom moved out of the house a few days ago. She now lives in a house in Santa Monica that it's not as big as that house. I helped her move out along with Ty's help. And it's perfect for her and Hallie to live in. Mom is working crazy hours and I'm going to classes and going to work as a waiter, receiving a lot of tips and a good paycheck to actually pay my bills along with my money that my Grandma sends me every month.

  I haven't seen Emma because she recently just moved into her dad's house which is why my mom moved out. It was in the will by Edward. And so, mom respected that. And mom and Emma talk everyday and they both are very close. Mom helped Emma move in along with Emma's best friend, Victoria. Victoria decided to move in with her temporarily and so their roommating in that big house together. And Victoria has known that house since she first Emma when they were thirteen. And of course, Emma has probably been busy unpacking and fixing the house up and getting Victoria settled in as well.

   Sometimes, I feel like calling Emma. I stare at my phone for hours just looking at her number, trying to decide to call her or not. But of course, I was too much of a coward that I couldn't call her. It's like something in my brain told me not to. And plus, I think that Emma might be busy with classes, working and dealing with everything she's been going through. And I know that Emma has been through so much. And I literally can't actually imagine how Emma is able to keep herself sane and fine after everything she's been through. And I sometimes feel this guilt of how I've treated her. And I know we were a couple and we dated... but I can't see us that way, like ever. I look at her and I see her as a little sister. And every time I tell Ty this he just starts laughing. He actually gets it, but he keeps telling me that he just wants me to be happy. And I guess that's perfectly okay. I have thought about calling Emma while I was on break from work, I had wanted to call her but then today I remembered that today is the big day. Today is Mandy and Aaron's wedding. Emma obviously won't be available today, she is Mandy's Maid of Honor and Victoria is a Bridesmaid. I was originally a groomsmen but I decided not to attend because I'm not with Emma anymore and I don't know those people. So apparently others are going.

   Aaron had called me asking if I still wanted to attend as a guest but I refused, and he said he understood and he was cool with it. And I felt guilty saying no, but I had gone directly with the day when Emma is going to attend a wedding on a Saturday. And I was stuck waiting on at fancy most expensive iconic restaurant. I was waiting tables all day since eight this morning. And here it is three and I still got two hours left. And I knew that once I get out of here, I'm going straight home and I'm going to watch the game on tv because my team was playing. And also, I am going to just enjoy the night.