HAPPY 50th CHAPTER!!
Max's POV-
The moment I closed the bathroom door, I slid down the wall and hugged my legs as I allowed myself to cry. Within seconds I heard knocking on the door, but I didn't answer.
I tried my hardest to dress modestly and say the right things, but I guess no matter how hard I try I'll always be a disappointment to my family. Maybe If I wore something baggier or put on less makeup he wouldn't have commented on my looks.
My destructive thoughts went on and on, and I felt my hot tears rush down my cheeks and soak the collar of my sweater. I wanted to rip the sweater off but I knew it wasn't a good idea since I had nothing with me to change into.
The knocking on the door began again and I was about to loose my mind. I just wanted to be left alone.
"What??" I grumbled angrily to whoever was outside of the door.
"Can I come in please?" I heard Jane ask softly.
I stayed silent for a few moments and hesitantly reached for the doorknob. I could hardly reach, but I was able to open the door anyways.
Jane walked in and closed the door behind her, immediately sitting down with me on the floor.
She gazed at me with an empathetic look in her eyes.
"I'm so sorry about what happened out there. He should've never called you that." Jane mumbled as she reached over and intertwined our fingers.
I just shrugged and stared at the ground.
"And you shouldn't have to act like someone else around your family." Jane sighed.
"Well that's just how it's always been." I responded, trying to act like it wasn't a big deal.
I could tell she didn't know what to say because she had never experienced emotional abuse from her family. She just caressed my thumb gently and scooted closer to me.
"I hate it when people see me cry." I confessed randomly, sniffling shortly afterwards.
"Why?" Jane asked me gently.
"It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like a child. When I'm upset it's almost like I turn into a little girl, but instead of running to my mom for comfort, I hide somewhere private so nobody can see." I took a deep breath before continuing because I had a feeling I was about to dig into my childhood trauma. I was nervous because I had never really discussed it with her before. Jane laid a hand on my back to let me know I was safe telling her anything I needed to.
TW!! MENTIONS OF ABUSE‼️⚠️
"It's just what I did growing up. My mom wasn't always a good parent. When I was little and my parents were still together, they would fight all the time. So that meant they were always in a shitty mood, and they would always cope with alcohol. Whenever I refused to eat something, said anything that they didn't like, didn't clean my room, or made a mess of any kind, I would get a very long lecture. I'd get yelled at for something as little as forgetting to clean my plate, and then I'd get yelled at even more for crying because of it. Eventually my dad decided yelling at me wasn't working.. So he started hitting me. I assume he realized how small and weak I was so he took advantage of that. Whenever I was "bad" he would take me into his room and do whatever he wanted to me. My mom was too scared to help because she knew if she got involved, he would only try to hurt me more. It's almost like he lived off of my pain. And Billy..." I paused in the middle of my long explanation when I felt tears rush to my eyes again. I took a few deep breaths and tried to contain myself so I could continue.
"It's okay Max, you're safe." Jane muttered softly.
I nodded and exhaled slowly before picking up where I left off, "Billy tried to stop him.. He tried to protect me even when it put himself in danger. He was there for me when nobody else was. Most of the time he'd act like I was a wart on his ass, but when I was in danger or distress he would go into protective mode. But even though he was there for me, I didn't like going to him for emotional support because I didn't want to risk my dad finding out. It always ended horribly. Anyways, that's why I don't like crying in front of other people." I finished my story, although I could've gone on for hours talking about all the bullshit my dad put me through. I looked over at Jane to see her reaction to my story, and my heart dropped. Her mascara was running and her mouth was ajar. All of a sudden I felt bad. I felt really guilty.
I shouldn't have trauma dumped on her. I'm an asshole. I'm an idiot. I messed up again.
The tiny voice in the back of my mind stopped speaking once Jane reached her hand out to my cheek and caressed it gently, "He will never hurt you again." Her voice broke, and at this point she was on the verge of sobbing.
I didn't know what to say, so I just pulled her into a hug. This hug was much different than any other hug we'd ever had, this one was very deep and emotional. It wasn't like the one we had after Billy died, it was completely different. I felt like a child being comforted. My immediate response was to start crying into her shoulder. I let out every ounce of built of sadness out. I heard Jane crying too. We just sat there in each other's arms, covered in our tears. I felt so safe.
an:
depression!!
this chapter was super easy to write because i'm good at being sad👍🏻 hope u enjoyed
sorry if it was too sad or if theres mistakes, im too tired and lazy to look for mistakes 😀
SCHOOL SUCKS‼️‼️‼️‼️
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