Are You Sure? (Marina)

Sixteen.

Carina

I couldn't remember the last time I spent the night with someone and not had sex with them. By the time we got back we had just gotten in the shower when my phone went off to page me that my patient was awake. My shower turned into a very sexually frustrated rinse. Seeing Maya all wet and exposed made me curse under my breath.

The patient was awake and doing well, no signs of rejection. Turns out Addison's husband is a fertility specialist so he would come in a couple of months and assess.

Today was shaping up into a good regular day. My leg ached a little after the run but nothing a pain killer couldn't subside. I felt great. Until I got a text from Amelia saying to meet her in her office because she wanted to talk. I hoped it wasn't in follow up to her concerns. I tentatively knocked on the door.

"Come in." I opened the door and she was on her computer I assumed looking at images because she was squinting in the way she usually did when she studied films. "Hey DeLuca, sit down. On my lap or on the chair wherever you feel comfortable."

"Hm" I chuckled and sat on the chair, I didn't entertain her comment, "How are you?"

"Good. Scout is sleeping through the night since me and Linc split. So I think he's finally getting used to it. How are you?" She sat back in her chair and looked at me.

"I'm umm fine? I was a little anxious or angsty but it comes and goes. I honestly don't know but my leg is getting better so that's a good sign." I looked at my hands and they felt unsteady. I didn't unload my emotions to other people but Amelia had been a good friend and I had a feeling if I didn't cooperate she would sense something was up.

"Does it happen when you stop the pills?" I frowned because I knew she would bring it up but I didn't really correlate the feelings with the pills. Yes I had felt angsty before yesterday but I don't think it was specific. "Does it stop when you take one?"

"I'm not addicted- I mean I don't have to take them and I can stop taking them." I only took them when the pain was unbearable or I felt it approaching. The rest of the time, I've been good. This isn't an issue but I'm starting to second guess it now, here, talking to Amelia. It's frustrating.

"Carina you've been on them for months, I'd find it weird if you didn't feel the side effects of not taking them anymore. This isn't a black and white situation but not everyone catches themselves before it gets out of hand. It's a slippery slope." Amelia was being honest. Deep down I knew what she was telling me came from a place of concern but I never envisioned myself in this predicament. I frowned because I hated that she was right. My body noticed even when I pretended not to. "It's normal to be pissed."

"Pissed.." I pushed out through a laugh, "I'm furious. I- I am only in this awkward situation because I wanted to help people. Not that I'm saying I deserve to be healthy but-"

"So be furious. Don't bottle up your feelings and if you ever need to talk, I'm here to talk or whatever before it devolves." She looked at me with with her bright blue eyes full of support and I appreciated her concern but I really didn't think I needed it. I smiled at her warmly and she looked down as if my smile made her nervous. "This is out of topic but can I ask you a question?" She looked back up at me, slightly more composed.

"Of course?" I sat back in the chair and crossed my leg over.

Amelia looked back over her desk and fixed some papers looking unsure of herself which was odd. "Are you- are you and the fire captain a thing?"

"Yes." I said without hesitation. If she had asked me yesterday I wouldn't have know what to reply because up until 12 hours ago I wasn't anything. I thought I was closer to a hankie than a girlfriend.