Eternally Yours - Frerard -

34. (YES AN ACTUAL CHAPTER 😁)

*Surprise!! You're gonna wanna read till the end, trust me 😏*

Frank's POV

Life hadn't quite been the same since I didn't have Gerard with me. Nothing was really the same anymore.

I tried to hang out with friends, I tried talking to Kellin and Vic. But not even Kellin's sunshine happiness could fix the hole that was left in my heart. My other half. Gone.

The apartment felt so empty. So alone.

That night Gerard almost died. It was here. In the room I'm sitting in right now.

Luckily one good thing came from this. Most of Bert's squad was taken out when Vic's mafia infiltrated their base in search of Bert and Gerard. But there was no trace of either one.

I remember when Kellin and Vic came back to tell me. Part of me knew that they wouldn't find Gerard. A gut feeling in me told me that Bert took him somewhere far away from here if he's still alive. By now, he could be dead for all I know. I don't have much hope that he'll ever return to me, I'm kinda trying to accept it at this point.

But I was glad that Bert's whole gang was pretty much gone. There wasn't much of a threat to my life around here anymore. But at what cost?

The last night I was ever with Gerard I told him this was what I wanted. I wanted the calmness of not being watched 24/7, I wanted to be able to go out in public without fear of being kidnapped, or killed. I wanted to feel safe in my home without surveillance. And now I do.

But if I could, I would take it all back if it meant he would be with me again.

I'm plagued with guilt from what happened that night. I never should've said those things to him, and I honestly regret it so much. I should've been there for him, I shouldn't have shielded my eyes, I should've protected him.

But I was a coward. I still am. I was foolish to think I could ever protect myself, or anyone else.

Every time I return to my apartment the scene replays in my head. I can't get it out.

I talked to Mikey about that, actually. If there's one person who I think would truly understand me, it's Mikey. Gerard is his brother. It hurt him just as much as it hurt me when he disappeared. Mikey and I have gotten closer since then. He's the only person I feel comfortable talking about that situation with, because we both experienced it, and it truly scarred us both.

We've both talked about it to each other because, well, it's not like we can exactly go tell a therapist about anything we've experienced.

Tonight though, I was alone. It was a Tuesday night and I had just gotten back from work. I'm still working at the record store, and I was working with Adam. Gerard got brought up at one point, it's not been so long that I can usually talk about it without tearing up. If I don't think about what I'm saying.

But when I'm alone, all I can do is think about it. Now is one of those times.

I decided to turn on the TV for a bit, thinking it would maybe distract me a bit.

I pulled out my phone to see a text from Ray.

raymond: hey dude, could you possibly pick up my morning shift tomorrow?? I forgot I asked Ricky out for breakfast tomorrow, pleeeease bro, I'll pick up one of yours \

me: yea don't worry about it dude, I got you, you were working with kellin right??

raymond: yup :) so you should be fine

me: alright, see ya soon

Working right now is one of the only things that can sometimes distract me. If I don't think about the time Ronnie literally died in front of my eyes right behind the counter. Ahh, memories.