In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Coffee

I would enjoy the admiration in silence. Listing all my thoughts until it would just start to materialize. Love, I said before, was at the end of my priorities. Not even close to my studies. I taught myself that I would only enter a relationship when all of those things that happened in the books I have read will happen to me, too.

The pouring rain.. the treehouse.. random coffee date in a coffee shop.. reading books together.. letters.. just admiring our town from the treehouse above. And so at the back of my mind, all of those featured Alejandros. But what I have seen when I opened my eyes resembled what I refused to look at eighteen.

Ang walang marinig na panunuya mula sa kan'ya.. Ang marahang pag-ihip ng hangin.. Ang aming matang nakatitig lamang sa kawalan at parehong nawawala at hindi mahanap ng tamang salita.

"Kaya mo na 'yong report natin," I said before he left.

Pinanood ko siyang umalis, hindi rin makapaniwala na nagdala siya ng bag, na may dala siyang notebook sa loob n'on at pati na rin ang ballpen. I couldn't believe it when I saw him walking his way back to Cape Vivero.

The day of my last campus journalism event came. I was also pressured at the same time dahil pakiramdam ko ay iyon na ang huling taon ko sa larangang iyon, upang tumayo sa aking pinaniniwalaan at maging boses sa iba pa. Sumakay kami ng PUV papunta sa school kung saan idadaos ang campus journ. Kalaban namin doon ang iba pang schools. Both from public and private schools.

"Kaya mo 'yan, Asia. Ikaw pa ba?" sambit ni Ma'am Jane.

"Kaya ko po," I affirmed.

Kung ito na 'yong huli kong sabak sa pagsulat ngayong high school na ako, bakit hindi ko pa ibibigay nang buo? I wanted to garner the first place.. for myself.. for my school. Noon pa lang naman ay iyon na ang nakukuha ko.

So when the competition started, I reminded myself that I can do it. I can do that. Matagal ko na iyong ginagawa, nagsusulat na ako sa category'ng iyon mula pa noong elementary. So I believed that I would get the first place.

But when I saw the topic.. my lips parted. Nablangko ang utak ko. Ilang minuto siguro akong nakatitig sa white board at nagsimula na rin ang timer. Pumikit ako at humigpit ang pagkakadiin sa ballpen.

You can do this, Asia. You can.. You have read enough for this. I have had this notion before that I shouldn't rely on the saying 'If it's meant for you, then it is for you.' If I want to pursue something, I will work hard for it.

Pinilit kong pigain ang utak ko..and incorporate that mantra my campus journ adviser has always told us. 'To write from the heart and speak through representation of voice'. I will fail as a writer if I don't truly convey the message of my piece.

Pinanood ko ang ballpen kong isulat ang nais kong isulat. I didn't mind if along the way, I would get errors, ang nasa isip ko ay magagawa ko pa iyong palitan.

I bit my lower lip. Fifteen minutes on the clock and I still need to rewrite my paper. Nabubuo na ang butil ng pawis sa aking noo. For the first time in so many years of writing, I felt so nervous. I felt so pressured that I wouldn't get to garner a place in my last time.

Hindi ba dapat ay masaya ako dahil kahit ito na ang huli.. ay nakapagbahagi pa rin ako? Pero bakit hindi ako kontento sa sinulat ko? Pakiramdam ko ay may kulang.. kaya nang ipasa ko iyon.. humalili na sa akin iyong takot.

That I would fail myself. That I would fail in the things that I am passionate about. Na madidismaya ko rin ang aking school, ang aking campus journ adviser. Takot ako na baka hindi ko matupad ang sinabi kong susungkitin ko ang unang pwesto..