In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Hold

Tumunghay ako sa labas ng apartment na inupahan ni Ate, at least for the meantime, doon lilipat si Papa kapag maayos na siya. Doon kami pansamantala. Imbes na ang maramdaman na may kasama na ako noon, pakiramdam ko ay mas lalo akong naging mag-isa.

Pinanood ko sa labas ang mga batang malaya. Hoping that I could turn back time. Dahil alam kong malaking responsibilidad na ang nakaatang sa akin ngayon.

Pagkatapos ng lahat.. Ate wouldn't listen to any of my explanations dahil ang buong akala lang niya ay wala akong ibang ginawa sa Manila kung hindi ay sayangin ang lahat ng oportunidad na ibinigay sa akin.

My insides are fuming mad, I couldn't even control the rage. When she witnessed how I hit my aunt, that's where her perception of me became the truth. And she made sure that I was caged inside that apartment.

Isinandal ko ang aking ulo at nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga. Gusto ko mang magmakaawa upang pakinggan niya ako pero kahit iyon ay pagod na akong gawin. Wala na akong natitirang lakas upang panindigan ang sarili sa harap niya at sa mga kamag-anak naming tuluyang nabago ang tingin sa akin.

And that's the only solution that my sister could think of — Vance is the root of all this mess and that I must let the roots die. For me to grow.. for me to.. live.

Alam ko kung gaano kahirap ang buhay. Hindi ako bulag. At kahit magkandakuba man ako sa pagtatrabaho, mahirap pa ring tustusan ang sariling pag-aaral. Lalo na kung ang kursong kukunin ay wala ring kasiguraduhan.

That moment, I thought of someone who is uncertain at the same time but it's the same uncertainty that puts me to calm. Sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. It was supposed to be, dapat sana ay hindi ko na siya iisipin sa mga sandaling iyon dahil nang umalis ako sa kan'yang condo, sa harap ng kan'yang pamilya ay napahiya kaming dalawa. Iyon na dapat sana ang huli.. Tapos na sana ang anumang nangyari sa amin.

But night came.. and I was just there.. I was just blindly watching the surroundings as the night was meant to give me light and life. Pero hindi ganoon ang nangyayari. Hindi kagaya ng inaakala ko.

Humaplos sa aking mukha ang hangin. There's nowhere for me to escape. Maliban na lang na tatalon ako sa pangalawang palapag.

I didn't know that my kind of bravery was already a step of destruction. I didn't know that when I depended on him and when he depended on me, it no longer gave us the kind of calm that we both need.

Tinignan ko ang kalendaryo sa pagkakataong iyon. I may or may not give much importance on time but I stared at it as though I was waiting for someone. Kagaya ng pananatili ko sa airport, umaasa na sana sa pagbabago ng tunguhin ng orasan, magbago rin kaagad ang gulong ng buhay.

Na sana sa muling pagkikita, I would be braver enough.. or I wouldn't be this kind of brave anymore.

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa isang pagsitsit. At ganoon na lamang ang panlalaki ng aking mata nang makita ko siyang naroon. He was wearing that denim and underneath is a shirt. It's the same outfit when he had given me coffee.. When he crossed the road that called for a minute of danger.

I thought of it as it already happened a long time ago but seeing him, beneath the moonlight, while I couldn't sleep, I realized that I have been waiting for him to show up. At least to make me believe that night that he's that comfort. He's all that I need. And I don't need anyone else.

He smiled when he caught me in his arms. It's hard to let the feelings die. I looked at him and I tightened my hug. Dahil hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hindi ko alam kung paano. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang naghihintay na buhay para sa aming dalawa. I was soon to leave my teenage life behind.