In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

Chapter 36

Chapter 36 

Child 

We decide for the things that we want to happen and also for the things that we do not want to happen. And sometimes, we defy ourselves in the course of a decision. It was so wrong to choose or use marriage for something – that again is the defiance of a principle that I have built. There are decisions that we never know the consequences of until those consequences are given to us in tears.

I realized then.. that I should have told him the truth about Hance, went down a little for the sake of my child and never used any circumstance to justify my decisions. I should have never used the marriage for the purpose of getting our land back and using the days with him..

Mangha akong napatitig sa sinabi ni Hance. He was just a seven year old kid but his understanding of things and the way he acts is beyond his age.

"It's okay to cry, Mommy. You are strong and you are doing well."

I smiled amidst the tears falling. I don't want Hance to see that I am crying because that's not my image whenever I am with him. I cry in silence. But perhaps there is an invisible string that connects me to my child that he can feel what I feel in silence too.

"Do you think your lola has forgiven me already?"

"Hm.. She's probably in the sky already, Mommy. So she had already forgiven you."

We bought snacks and groceries for his friends. After that, we went to the usual playground he used to play, a playground in the neighboring town. Kapag nasa trabaho ako ay madalas silang naroon ni Yaya Yoli but it's just me and him.

Hance has this habit of sharing what he has with kids. It's just so normal for him to treat his friends whenever he has an extra from his allowance.

Umupo ako sa bench habang pinapanood siya. Some kids really find enjoyment whenever they are playing with their phones, something technology has given us. But Hance is different. He likes to play with other kids and doesn't want to focus much on gadgets.

Nawala lang ang atensyon ko sa kan'ya dahil may lumapit na nagbebenta. But after talking to that vendor, nakita ko nang wala si Hance sa playground. It took me a minute to respond as I thought he was just playing with the kids on the slides.

Napatayo na ako dahil katabi lamang ng playground ang kalsada kahit nababakuran man ito. Ganoon na lamang ang panlalaki ng aking mata nang makitang naroon si Hance sa gilid ng kalsada at bumibili ng balloons. It was adrenaline that caused me to panic – a scenario from my past.

"Hance, anak!"

It was a deja vu then. A series of accidents happened in the past. The rush in the hospital. The screams and the sirens of the ambulance. Blood. The world stopped and the heart lost its beat. It was as if I was somewhere – where there are two roads that I had to take. Either signifies the end of something.

Ang aksidenteng kumitil sa buhay ng pamilya ni Mama. Vance's accident. My father's accident. And that I was rendered invalid and unable to move as I watched how everything changed differently.

Habang tumatakbo ako, bumabalik sa aking alaala ang mga bagay na hindi ko masabi. That the consequence of my decision has been given to me in a nervous wreck.

A car stopped as I nearly fell on my knees. And Hance was left at the middle of the road. My eyes were wide open as I was standing meters away from them. Tinakbo ko ang anak kong humandusay sa daan.

"Hance, baby. Do you hear mommy?"

It was one of those moments in life that I had asked for His forgiveness, that if I were to trade my life to save my child, I would and I would not even blink. It was one of those times that I would trade everything that I have - money, success and achievements for the sake of my child. Because none of those will bring back a life.