In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

Engaged

We create our own destiny. It’s not given by people or some mystic chances. Along the way, we craft our own. And when you trip several times, and you keep coming back to that something… that someone.. who continues to drain you.. to give heavy weights.. You know it’s not going to work.

        I immediately regretted the sob that came out of my lips. That’s it, I am afraid to show my weakness. Humiwalay ako sa pagkakayakap niya sa’kin. Kahit nanghihina na rin ako. I strengthened what was left – kung mayroon pa bang natitira sa akin pagkatapos ng sinabi ng Donya.

        “You are the strongest woman I have ever known. And I am here, President..”

        I could feel the tense on his back and the way his grip took me back. Pinahid ko ang luha ko. Nanginginig ang aking tuhod at kung hindi niya ako hahawakan ay baka mapaluhod na lang ako sa sahig.

        “If you are tired, let me.. feel you, be with you. Hindi ang mga Vivero ang magiging dahilan kung bakit ka aatras sa kung anuman ang nasimulan natin. You already know that I am hard headed as you.."

             “Everything that we do is a mistake. Then and now, we both know that this is not going to work.”

        “No. We are going to keep the marriage. Let’s work on it. Let’s talk about everything that is running through your mind.”

        It sounds so promising but at the same time, it was deception. Alam namin kung paano kami nagsimula at alam din namin pareho kung paano ito matatapos. Binitiwan ko ang kan’yang kamay na nakahawak sa’kin.

        I can’t decide yet.

        Pain slashed through his eyes. Bakit pakiramdam ko kapag siya ay mahirap magtiwala? Or it just works around other people? And it is better if we stay at the line of convenience because it’s easier to disentangle ourselves when the time comes that we no longer find it convenient.

        “Your grandmother is still in the hospital. It’s not a good idea for me to approach her this time. We can’t go back to Cape Vivero either.”

        Hinagilap niya ulit ang aking braso. It was so frustrating dahil kahit anong piglas ko at pagtaboy sa kan’yang dibdib ay dumidikit pa rin siya nang dumidikit. Right, he’s stubborn.

        “What did she tell you, Asia?”

        Nanatili akong walang kibo. Walang patutunguhan ang usapan na iyon – not when I was consumed by the old woman’s voice and the pictures.

        “Huwag na natin gisingin si Hance at ang dalawang matanda. Please, Vance. I’m so tired and weary.”

        But he remained standing. Inikot niya ang kan’yang braso sa aking baywang at napasinghap na lang ako nang namahinga na siya sa aking leeg. Napalunok ako habang ramdam ko siyang humihinga sa aking leeg. The distance.. the proximity was hurting me so. 

        “Just a little bit, Asia. Please?”

        Kumalas na lang ako sa yakap na iyon nang may kumalabog na pusa. I took a sigh as I let go of him. Iniwan ko siya sa sala. But even if I was laying and comforted by the mattress – all I could think of was Vance’s shadow outside of the room where Hance and I slept.

        We will always be entangled in life’s decisions.. decisions that have been crafted in the past. 

        Naririnig ko na ang pagtilaok ng manok nang maidlip ako ng konti. I purred when I felt a presence. Nakayakap pa sa akin si Hance. Nagmulat ako ng mata and the first thing I saw was Vance..