In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

In the Heart of Horizon

 I still do believe in marriage.

In this world, a dreamer could only see something glittering from the very start of their journey. It is filled with butterflies, with the hope of something magical to happen. Without really having a glimpse of what is waiting out there.

From the pavement above, I would always ask myself about universal and fundamental truths. Love.. Life and death.. Dreams.. And I would often set standards. For life.. for my dreams.. and for love.

Really? What is love? How can we say that people who get married are in love? That the basis of marriage is commitment and eternal love? When people could only think of surviving each day, when people could only think of everything done in convenience and compliance. Is love really existing? Why are there people still who stay with each other even if they do claim that they are not in love?

I remember dreaming of marriage while I was at the top of the tree house. Thinking of the world and the future ahead of me, expecting that life will give me exactly what I want. In the middle of the forest, I think of everything as magical, that someday perhaps, a prince will materialize at the untouched falls of my dreams, not to save me from the fall but to join me in that fall.

Just how I dreamed it to be. Just how a fool could dream of something hopeless.

The world out there is not really what we think it is. It is not how we dreamed it to be. It is set in a blaze. It is chaotic. And once life has its downside, it continues to humble us.

Tinignan ko ang mukha ko sa salamin. Ang sarili ko na ba ang tinitignan ko? Ako ba ang babaeng nasa salamin? Years prior to this, I aimed of watching myself getting dressed. When I was merely a teenager and falling into idealism.

"How do you want your hair to be styled, Miss Belmonte?"

"I just want to have a kind of low bun since the receptionist kind of gave me this flower crown."

Again, I watched myself through the mirror. I was wearing a dress. A white flowy dress, with a flower crown on top of my head. The dress was styled with elegance and simplicity.

Kulay puti. It resembles something in the tradition of marriage. Purity? Sanctity of marriage? Isang hair stylist naman ang abala sa aking buhok. Ilang saglit lamang ay pumasok na ang make-up artist upang lagyan ng kolorete ang aking mukha.

"Please keep my make-up simple and fresh," sambit ko. It was just a simple ceremony. Kung iyon ang pagpapahiwatig mo sa kasal na ito, Asia.

"You are so beautiful, Miss, and I really like the color of your skin. Flawlessly tanned," ngiti ng make-up artist.

"Thank you," sagot ko.

Nang umalis na ang dalawa ay doon na pumasok sa akin ang mga nangyayari. Sa loob lamang ng ilang oras o maaaring minuto na lamang ang aking bibilangin ay magbabago na ang buhay na mayroon ako. But that is how life and all of these work well with change.

Hindi naman ito masasabing nabubuhay kung hindi ito dumadaan sa pagbabago. I will just have to keep up with this phase and treat this as something.. that will pass in time. Kailangan ko lang tapusin ito. Kailangan lang matapos ang araw na ito.

But shouldn't a wedding be something memorable and remarkable for a woman? The tangible and the intangible sharing of memories, aren't they expected in the wedding? The entourage.. the rings.. the decorations of how the couple wanted the place to be..

But more than those.. the exchange of promises.. the vows.. the kiss at the end of the ceremony.. and coming home to somewhere where you consider it home. Just even thinking of it gives a kind of mixed emotions. O maaaring ganoon pa rin naman ang persepsyon ng ilan sa kasal.