In the Heart of Horizon (Sunset Avenues #4)

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Problem

That's the sickness with no remedy at all. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko ay ayos lang kahit na anong isipin niya sa akin o kahit ng ibang tao. Because I have known and built my own truth.. there's no way I would reverse it.

But that night changed something as I realized another.

So it is indeed true, Vance, hindi na ako ang dating kilala mo. That's because I have to grow up. I have to grow so I can survive. And growth will never be linear, neither one's progress. I have to meet and fight my lows so I can reach the highs.

"Asia." Inginuso ni Letlet ang nakasunod na si Vance.

Halatang lasing na lasing na mula pa kanina sa club. Kinagat ko ang labi ko, huwag kang lilingon Asia.

That would be alright. He wouldn't chase anymore.. That's the end of the chase.. So as not to hope more. And it would be fine not to hope for us at all. Panindigan mo na lang 'yong sinabi mo, that Vivero will never be my type. He doesn't conform to my standards so it's okay if it doesn't happen at all.

"Bakit ayaw mo akong harapin?" nanunuyang aniya. "Asia, come on, talk to me!"

Mahigpit niyang hinawakan ang aking braso kaya ako pumalag. At muntikan na ulit siyang masampal. I didn't know what happen right after he played the drums but I met his confused and suffering eyes. Iyon ang mahirap dahil pagkatapos sa club ay sunod naman ang bar, ang kan'yang pahingahan, that's my workplace too.

"Hindi mo sasabihin sa akin?"

"Does it.. matter, Vance?"

"It does.." bulong niya.

We were in an alley, where he immediately pulled me. Ang kan'yang ilong ay marahang dumadampi sa aking pisngi. Kumalma na ang kan'yang paghinga pero ang init na nagmumula sa kan'yang katawan ay ganoon pa rin, nagliliyab at hindi maapula kahit sa gitna ng lamig. Untamed and burning.

"Ano kung naroon nga ako sa club at nagtatrabaho, Vance?"

"The case is you didn't tell me!"

"Huwag mo akong sigawan, Vivero."

"Fuck! I even told you that I like you so much and bits of my life, Asia."

"So kung ganoon nga.. ang trabaho ko, magbabago na rin ang pakikitungo mo sa akin?"

Matagal siyang hindi nakaimik. Ang marahang paghinga lang namin ang pumapagitan. Neither of us spoke in the next few minutes. Kumalas ako sa kan'ya pero muli niya akong hinila at ngayon ay niyapos na ako sa aking baywang.

Natigilan ako. Minura ko rin ang sarili ko dahil hindi ko na kontrolado ang nararamdaman ko. I used to have control of myself.. I used to have standards..

"Damn.." he whispered as I felt him kiss my nape.

Tumindig ang aking balahibo. Bakit ganito? Wala namang.. wala namang kami ah. But why is it so complicated that.. he likes me like this? And I don't like the way he likes me.

"Papasok na ako," kaagad na sabi ko.

Hinang hina ako pagpasok sa bar. Iniwasan ko siya. Hindi ako sumunod sa sinisigaw ng.. puso ko.. That even if I have seen him lying desperately at the table, drunk until he could no longer feel.. I didn't. Umuwi na ako pagkatapos ng trabaho. That's my first attempt of discarding him.

He is that someone who is just a taste of a moment. He is someone you will never visualize to be with in the near future as you have seen his past. He'll never be that someone..

Nilingon ko ang labas nang makarinig ako ng kalabog. Mag-uumaga na iyon noon. And I still have to prepare for my work in the restaurant. Pupungas-pungas akong tumayo at ganoon na lamang kadaling nawala ang antok nang makita ko kung sino ang naroon.