more than a private dirty secret

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"Hearts either break or shatter."


"You don't have to lecture me, I do it myself all the time", Sky says to Saul as Stella walks away and I immediately know what this is about. "Stella's fine. There's no need to lecture anyone", I defend my friend but Saul looks at me seriously.

"Look like I need to lecture your sister", Saul returns to Sky, "You seem to ignore your own words." "You think too bad of her." "She's familiar. That's making it comfortable for you but it's often the uncomfortable things that make us grow."

"That was a lecture", I state. "I've promised your dad to take care of you and he-" "Would say the exact same", we fulfill his sentence together. "No, not exactly. He'd chosen harsher words", Saul corrects smiling smugly.

After Sky's left to continues working out, Saul looks at me worriedly. "Farah told me what happened", he states waiting for my point of view which I'm thankful for. Saul would never just confront me but listen to my experience first.

"I've tried to focus on my emotions, good emotions. I've imagined a family. When I opened my eyes, I've seen dad and mom under that tree and they've been playing with Sky and I. Dad's been carrying me on his shoulders", I tell Saul with a smile on my lips.

That imagination was actually pretty good. Well, I shouldn't have burned the tree. "How hold have you been?", he asks. "About eight years old. Why? Does that make a difference?", I ask wanting to find out why I often imagine scenes that have never happened and why it's linked to my powers.

Is that why I can't control my powers? "No, don't worry about it", Saul says a little too quickly, "Can you go to Farah, please? I know you have your private lesson tomorrow but she wanted to see you today as well." "Sure. Does she know anything about it?"

"Not yet. She's about to find out why this keeps happening to you. I'll talk to you about anything I know." "Okay." "And don't worry about it too much, Scar. You're great and nothing will change that, especially not a burned tree", Saul smiles and I return it thankfully.


"Scar, you're here. Great", Farah welcomes me. "I'm sorry about today, Farah", I excuse my outburst during her lesson. Whenever we're in private, I call her Farah due to our familiar relationship. Anything else would feel weird.

"There's no need to apologize, Scar", she states seriously not wanting me to feel guilty for anything, "I hope you know that we're not treating you better because of Andreas. I'm having these lessons with you because I want to help you have control over you power and I want you to be able to deal with it."

"I know. I actually know it. It just.. hearing others talk about it today hurt." "You don't think that you deserve to be here, right?", she assumes and I nod. "I was lucky to be my dad's daughter and to got help by Saul, you and Ben. But Sky is doing so well, he's working hard to be as good as he is. And I..  I never fulfill a task without drama."

"You deserve to be here just as everyone else and the only thing I see when I see you in class is you working hard on yourself. You've got different powers than others. You have a lot more to work on it. It'll take time. Just be patient and trust the process and yourself." "Thank you, Farah", I smile at her shyly.

"Still, I'm worried about what happened today as it's not happened for the first time. I want to find out why those strong imaginations keep on coming back at the stone circle. Can you just sit down? I'll have to have your hands in mine to have a better insight on your mind."

"Of course", I agree and sit down on the couch in her office in front of her. Farah takes my hands and we both close our eyes. After a few minutes have passed, she lets go of my hands and nods but the look on her face looks terrifying.

"Farah?" "We're done for today", she quickly says and asks me to leave so suddenly that I begin to wonder what she's found out. I'll have to ask her soon.


"Are we still not talking?" Sam asks me as he sits down next to me. I've decided to sit down in the garden and let myself calm down in the sun. When I hear his voice, I take down my sunglasses and look at him skeptically. "We're in public", I remind him of his fear.

"I've heard about what happened at the stone circle", Sam tells me, "Do you want to talk about it?" "Not really", I mutter still feeling pushed back by him feeling ashamed of me. "Scar, I'm here no matter what happens." "I know but I don't want to talk about it", I make clear.

"I saw you leaving the specialists' house at night", he changes the subject coming to the point and I chuckle. "So what? My brother lives there." "And Riven."

"Don't dare talking about Riven here as if I hadn't fully committed to our relationship", I warn him but also keep myself from raising my voice as people could hear us and I don't want to yell at anyone.

"I.. I'm sorry, okay? I'm not ashamed of being seen with you." "It's a shame you lie to someone who can read your mind, Sam", I mutter knowing that this is the reason why he wouldn't commit to our relationship publicly.

"I'm being honest, okay? You and I are great together and everyone can see that. It's just.. when I see you around Riven, it's like you're a completely different person. You're grumpy and you smoke and then you're around me and you're this sweet nice girl that could loose control over her magic any time."

"You know why I'm different around Riven? Because he understands me and he just lets me be who I am. I've tried so hard to make this work, Sam, but you just wouldn't accept the broken part in me. It's over, Sam", I reply with a sad look whereas my voice is stable.

Am I doing the right thing? Shouldn't I have talked to him in a private place? No. No, enough with private places. Even if I was overreacting right now, I know that I can't live with being in a private relationship forever. "Scar.." "We're in public, Sam. No need trying to fix this."

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