All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 2

"TOYA!" "TOYA!" I screamed, I kept screaming his name over and over again but he just wasn't there.

He wouldn't respond.

Where was he?

Where was he? I thought as I started to cry tears stinging my eyes and rolling down my face.

No matter where I went, no matter where I ran, no matter where I looked for him I had the same thoughts.

"You know it would have been better if you had died."

"You should have killed yourself when you had the chance."

"He abandoned you because you we never good enough for him."

"Why would he ever love you?"

"Why didn't you do anything you bitch?"

"Why are you still even fucking alive?"

"No one needs or wants you here"

Especially not him.

"No, no, no!" I cried "Stop please just stop!"

"Oh well Toya's not here to save you now! Your helpless and worthless without him, so what're you gonna do now? You stupid little shit!" The voice screamed as the wind got stronger. The dark circle that until now was about as tiny as a coffee table surrounded all of me. Everything was black, and dark and I just I needed him. The voice was right I did need him to save me. He did before but he wasn't even here now.

Was he?
Was he ignoring me?

Was he mad at me for being a bad freind?

"Toya?" I asked one more time. Just hoping that I would see the familiar blue-ish tint of his red flames, but I just couldn't see over the wall the darkness had produced. I hoped and hoped and hoped trying to climb up.

Trying not to let it drag me under and drown me. "Please, please, please just come back I promise i'll do anything, i'll do anything!" I screamed and cried through the thick black void.

"PLEASE!" I begged almost crying now.

Man look at you, the number two pro hero bawling, over the thought of your so called friend.

He's never coming back.

All because of you.

"But i'll do anything," I whispered.

Because in reality I would do anything for Toya to come back, because he was the one who saved me.

Not from villains or the hero agency but from myself and my own thoughts.

From depression from hurting myself, I mean I could've ended myself a lot sooner but I didn't I endured. I endured the pain of being tortured by my own father, I endured the pain of Toya's supposed death.

But I believed, I believed he would come back but I waited so long for him.

I waited for him and what did he do? He abandoned me, I lived for him and he just....left me.

I endured all that pain for him and he forgot me.

I loved him and he just tried to kill me.

I felt the cold of the dark void press in on me, never stopping never giving me a chance to breath again. It was sucking all my breath away until none was left until I was drowning again. In a sea of my own thoughts. Except now Toya wasn't here to save me and the terrifying realization came into focus I knew that he never would again. I felt myself being swallowed by the darkness, I saw a bright blue flame in the distance but I knew that no mater how hard I tried to reach for it I would always fail to grasp it. So I let myself succumb to the darkness around me, hoping that one day the darkness would yield and once more I could be free of the pain that had plagued me for so long.

"Agh" I my eyes suddenly fluttered open as I awoke and felt a warm wave of sunlight replace the shadowy cold I had felt just before. I felt something heavy weighing down on my the top part of my legs and I looked down to see a grey haired individual, who by the looks of it was sleeping pretty peacefully.

Wait! I thought to myself, who was this person?

I started half freaking out, worried that I had been kidnapped or something else like that. Half still asleep, but then as I slowly regained most of my conscious returned so did my foggy memories began to return, I remembered where I was. I was in the hospital because I had been severely burned by and wounded by Dabi, wait no Toya was the reason I was here. STUPID I thought to myself, if you had just shut up then nothing like this would have happened, why the hell did you do that? I asked myself. I honestly had been asking myself that question a lot for the past few months. First of all why did I even agree to do this damn mission when I knew I was going to get hurt. Secondly why did I even befriend villains, why did I think that they were actually good people? I mean I know they didn't deserve to end up like, like fucking outcasts but still, they killed so many people I thought to myself. Plus they really seemed to trust me, especially Toga. Why did I befriend Dabi even kind of loved him even though he was such a dick. Why did I ever let him touch me? Why did I kill Twice?

Why did I take another life?

I knew Lady had before, I knew it was coming I knew the commission was going to tell me to take any means necessary.

So why?

I know he was fighting for an evil cause but he himself wasn't evil.

He was just left out of society because of something he couldn't control.

Why did it have to be Dabi who found out why did it have to be him, why'd he have to be Toya and why was I so stupid not to see? "Shit," I quietly muttered to myself while I rubbed my eyes to both hide and wipe away the tears that were forming.

I was afraid if I started crying again i'd throw up again.

"Mhm" I heard from the figure below me. I looked down to study the figure better I noticed that the hair wasn't grey but white as snow instead. For a second it looked like....Toya. Maybe I didn't fight with him, maybe he didn't turn into Dabi, maybe he was just here waiting for me to wake up and fell asleep on my legs. I tried to prop myself up but I quickly realized that, that was a bad idea. My arms suddenly gave out and a fire pain flared all throughout them, I accidentally fell down, hard, on the bed and grunted with pain.

"Mhm Hawks?" the sleepy figure besides me mumbled.

"Toya?" I asked softly hoping it was him. The figure lifted their head up and I could tell that from their beautiful bronze skin and their feminine features that it wasn't Toya.

"Hm nope buddy it's just good ol me!" she said softly with a grin on her face.

"Ah," I replied disappointed it wasn't Toya but at happy at the fact that my friend was with me.

Friend yes but for how much longer?