All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 6

HAWKS POV 

"HEy bud!" Rumi said as I quietly strapped myself into the harness system of the car. "Uh, Hello?" "HAWKS?" Rumi shouted as I jumped slightly at the loud noise. "Gods, they're sure your okay to leave the hospital." She said leaning back in her seat. 

"Yeah! I'm just a little sick, not deaf!" I replied, crossing my arms in a way I could only hope was sassy with condition I was in. 

"Really?" "Because still even before this you never seemed to listen to literally anyone!" She said with a mischievous grin. "In fact the only two people you've ever listened to was Endeavor-San and Toya-ku..n," she finished, her grin falling. "Sorry." She said which was probably the most sincere I've ever heard her. 

"No it's really fine!" I said, a vivid flash of memory's playing through my mind. Playing with Toya, swimming, training, fighting. I was getting better at tuning those memory's out, though only on the fear that people would send me to a physiological ward or something like that. 

"An..Anyway," She said, her voice faltering, "I was wondering if you wanted to go to like KFC or somewhere, you know." "Because you know I ju-" I stopped listing after that, it's not that I didn't care no, I really cared about Rumi, she was basically the only friend I had in my life, but even she doesn't understand. She always keeps trying to get me to make new friends and it's not like I haven't but, gods I, if I wasn't good enough or strong enough for Toya then who would I, plus they'd just leave again. The only thing i'm good for is hurting people. I hurt Rumi, I hurt Toya, I hurt everyone, even the people I try to save. The only thing I am is just a worthless piece of shit. 

I guess I probably have attachment issues ever scene the incident happend, so, YAY! Plus now all I can remember is memory's of him. I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT I HAD FOR LUNCH LAST WEEK. Well I usually can't anyway my memory's pretty jacked, but yeah. 

But the worst part, I still care. Why? Why do I still care he hurt me he fucking burned me till I couldn't scream anymore and he abandoned me, he was lying to me he never cared, but I did I cared so much. I fucking loved him, what did I even do to deserve this? No, no what did Toya do, this isn't about me, no it's, it's not it's about him, i'm just the selfish side character who everyone hates. 

YAY NOW I HAVE FREAKING SOCIAL ANXIETY TO! 

"So how does that sound?" I heard a familiar voice say. 

"Mhm?" I said, quickly turning my head. 

"So, how does watching a movie with me tonight sound?" she asked quietly. 

"Oh, um it sounds great Rumi, I'm usually pretty lonely at my apartment, so that would be nice." I said. 

"Well you know if your ever lonely you know where I live, we can do what ever you want!" She said. 

"Thanks." 

The rest of the drive to my house was quiet except for the questions about what type of pizza I wanted to eat. 

Goddamn

Do you ever just feel like  you want or just need someone to help but when someone tries to you don't want it. Yeah that's me right now. I mean I can't even fly away from award convos now because guess what? Yep my wings are gone, another reason to hate him, but I still don't. 

I felt the jolt when we parked in my drive-way. 

I quickly unbuckled my seat-belt and walked into the apartment complex that I called home. I didn't really even wait for Rumi which I again in turn reprimanded myself for. Sence my apartment was just on the first floor again, I basically speed ran my way to my room and grabbed my room key, which the hospital had given me back after I got released. I opened the door and stepped into the pristine white room, and noticed, everything was were it was before I wen't into that battle. I don't know why but when I stepped into that room instead of relief washing over me there was only guilt and horrible horrible pain. So I in turn again fell onto the ground and started to cry. 

Just like the little bitch I am.