All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 4

"Mmh, fuck," I muttered as I looked around, I was sitting atop the roof of the leagues current "base". It was a little dusty, a little dirty but it'd do.

That's really all we ever needed.

For it to do.

A chilly breeze sliced through my thin shirt like butter despite that I wasn't really all that cold.

It might've been because of my quirk, and the stupid fact that my shitty body could never handle it, or it could be the fact that I might be a little drunk.

Didn't really give a shit either way.

Never did never will.

"Such a shit fest" I muttered, this whole thing was really more than I had signed up for. I never wanted to get involved in all of Shigaraki's weird ass plans for "domination" i'm convinced the guys like kinky beyond belief. Of course i'm not one to judge. That leads us to point number two Hawks. Ah yes Keigo Takami, fucking goddamn Keigo Takami when I thought I could finally just leave everything behind his ass just shows up completely unannounced. Of course it was my fault for leaving him behind wasn't it?

And yet he acts like I still don't get nightmares about shit.

But like I always say, it's better to just forget instead of face.

Because it hurt to much to face it every time.

Every fucking time his face came up in my mind the only thing I felt was an empty feeling in my heart and blood dripping down my face from the deep purple scars, almost like the markings of a cat below my eyes. I knew it never would've ended well, plus when was I going to tell him I was Toya?

I sighed even at thinking my own name.

Everything just hurt, everywhere even my fucking fingers hurt. "Gods everything hurts," I whispered to myself.

I could just imagine telling that to Keigo, have him look at me with the corners of his mouth turned up his eyes half lidded, and in the most caring voice he say, "It's alright, you need help? You want me to get you some medicine?" Even if we didn't have any at his house which I rarely stayed at.

Half the time I went over there it was either to take a shower or to have a nice fuck with an actual bed.

He helped me forget, about everything.

And now he's gone.

And there's no one to help me when I feel like I hurt.

Like I wanna die so, so badly.

Except this fucking cheep ass beer.

Yeah well no one really cares now do they asshole? No one really cares about you.

The one person who did, thinks your a monster. The one person who did you tried to kill, what for? Because you got too angy? It mocked.

"Yeah well guess what I am a monster." I told myself.

All those murders I did.

All those families I teared apart.

I was angry.

I was angry i'd never have that, maybe I could've if I tried too.

If I was a better son, a better friend.

But I wasn't I was a failure, a fucking

complete

failure.

And you always will be won you? the thing told me.

"Shut it Yuma" I told the thing inside me.

Okay yeah iv'e named the voice inside my head. I understand that I might be a little crazy but I mean Yuma has been living in my head sense I was like what five? So I might as well gave them a name instead of calling them myself.