All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 20

Toga.

Toga.

Toga.

All I could think about was Toga.

I needed her to be okay

She had to be okay. 

Images of her

Her mangled body covered in blood, flesh ripped open to reveal her entrails, her brain split in two like a broken walnut. 

I almost threw up at the thought. 

After everything I had gone through. 

After the facility 

After being stuck in the hell that was Gishin's "palace." 

After my original family.

If you could even call it a family.  

After Endeavor. 

After everything when I said I wanted to join even if it was just for revenge at the time they looked at me and went hey! This piece of shit zombie looking weird ass man looks perfect for our little group. 

But after a while we became something more than a group. 

So much more.

They accepted me. 

They loved me.

I finally found a family, not a harmful or abusive one, a loving family.

We were broken of course. 

But we had each been messed up by someone else.

We were all there for different reasons 

But we were all looking for someone to care for once.

I had that with Keigo. 

He'd never love me again though would he? 

He thought I left him. 

I didn't want to though.

I didn't want to leave the one person who made me happy. 

And I didn't want to be friends with them, any of them in case that happened again. 

But Toga.

She was relentless. 

When Twice was away or doing something else she'd always come and sit near me or ask if I could play with her.

I always said no, or that I was to busy. 

Now I wish I had never said no. 

I was just scared. 

Scared of everything.

Scared of hurting Toga like I hurt Keigo. 

But even though I acted like I didn't need her or want her around I did. She was so cute, and she'd introduce us to new movies that even Compress hadn't heard of. She also often made figurines out of little scraps of fabric and wood we had. 

She always knew how to change any bad situation into something that all of us could enjoy.

With her I felt free. 

With the entire league I felt free. 

The only other person that made me as happy as the league did was Keigo.

But I could never be with Keigo again 

I could never hug him again. 

I could never cuddle him or play with him.