All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 11

(I can't believe i'm writing this in a fucking library)

I was in the dark again, but it wasn't like last time, it wasn't like this in any of my other dreams. 

It was warm not cold 

It was calming not scary 

And it was quickly fading into my bedroom. 

Confusing. 

And most confusing of all. 

There was someone sitting on it someone with white hair.

Toya?

No he was older than Toya but he looked like him so much. That's when I heard his voice and knew who it was. 

"Come here birdy," he said. His voice was deep and rough just like Dabi's just like Toya's. I shudered either from the ice cold fear running through my veins or because I knew what he wanted. "Come here," He said a second time. This time I obeyed walking up to the pristine sheets. A small gasp left my mouth as the sheets flicked between clean and then covered with blood and feathers. I slowly backed away, incredibly frightened by the sudden appearance. The lights above me flickered. It was all coming back I knew where I was I knew what was happening. 

And it terrified me and excited me at the same time. 

"Aw, you've been such a bad birdie," he said, pushing my chin upwards and resting his hands there. Why did I like it? Why? Whats wrong with me?  

Why even though he hurt me in every possible way I still wanted this. 

Why? Maybe it's because I just wanted him to come back to me, to love me again but I knew that was never going to happen. Yet i'd still rather be used by him then have him leave. I mean it's kinda sick when you realize you'd rather have someone lock you up and manipulate you than let them leave you. His hand slowly made it's way downwards towards my chest which ended with him flicking his hand downwards when he couldn't go any farther. "Mh, you know i've heard you saying bad things about me. I assure you there's something so much better your mouth can do." He teased, licking his lips. I could feel my face heating up as he pulled me onto his lap. 

"I d-didn't," I stuttered. "I promise," 

"Oh lying now are we kei kei?" Gods he hasn't used that nickname in such a long time. "Now i'm sure you deserve a punishment," 

"Dabs," 

"Aw baby bird call me by my name," He whispered into my ear.

"T-toya."

"That's better." 

"What do you want from me?"  

"You know what I want," He said while pulling my face closer. 

CLOSER

Closer

closer

Now it was warm. So so warm, his kisses were always warm. But they felt calming at the same time, I loved them so much. The one bad thing was I could never kiss him for to long because I was horrible at holding my breath. And slowly, very, very slowly I felt myself drift back to reality, the reality of laying in my bead having just woken up from a very deep sleep. 

Except it was only six am. 

"Fuuucccccckkkkk." I groaned. Uh why? Why the hell couldn't I just get a normal night of sleep? Why did it always have to be about Dabi though? To be completely honest I'd rather stay in that dream, i'd rather stay in that dream than stay here. In my fucked up life, even though there are people that are suffering more than I am my life is still fucked up. I punched my pillow several times, trying to make it more comfortable before laying back down again. Now all I had to do was sleep or you know at least try to. Sleep come on sleep, fall fucking asleep, come on! Please? I groaned as I pushed myself up from my very large bed and started to walk to the other side of the kind of wall to my kitchen. It's sad isn't it? I felt so much better when a murderer shared a bed with me. I felt so safe in his arms, but now the thought of him touching me makes me want to throw up. You didn't feel that way when you dreamed about him kissing you. I though to myself while pouring water into my coffee maker. Well I mean that was different. That was a dream, that wasn't real.