All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 9

The sunlight blinded me as I slowly opened my eyes as I realized where I was. In Best Jeanest's car heading to my mother's home to figure out if she was still okay or not. To be completely honest I could care less. She never really did care about me anyway and when I gave up my family name I decided to give her up as well.

"Gods Hawks I couldn't tell if you were dead or just asleep," Jeanist said across from me. I quickly typed several characters onto my phone spelling out Sorry Didn't Get A Lot Of Sleep Last Night. It came out of my phone as a voice similar to my own. The reason I was using this kinda device was because next to the external damage I suffered my vocal cords and a couple of different organs were burned in the fight as well. To be honest it's a miracle I'm alive.

It'd be better if I wasn't though, wouldn't it? I mean come on I know I'm a hero I've saved people but in the end, does any of that really matter? Does anything I do matter, if I save someone, someone else is going to die. In fact , everyone dies someday so does anything really matter? Am I even making a slight dent in any problems I come across? Ah fuck I really didn't sleep at all yesterday night. Mostly because I was afraid of another nightmare. I mean call it childish but hey I'd rather lose a few hours of sleep than meet Dabi again either in a dream or in reality. And I have a little souvenir from this wonderful encounter! A scar right down my face so now every time I look in the mirror all I see is him. Yay. Plus multiple hospital visits a week to make sure none of the thirty-something bandages are still even okay to wear. They were uncomfortable as well, every time I walked or moved I could feel them against my back. Rough and tight, reminding me of the fact that the only thing that made me special and that I could use to escape reality was gone. Now I'm stuck, both metaphorically and literally. I hadn't realized that Jeanist was talking which seems to be a common thing happening to me nowadays. Even when people are talking to me directly I often forget what they're saying or space out as I did a second ago. The only reason I started listing again is that I heard Jeanist mention the Nomu plan. "Sorry," I said quickly apologizing even though I didn't kill him. I mean it must've hurt pretty bad when we put him in the death-like state. "I mean I knew that the safety commission wouldn't have fallen for a cheap trick like that. It's definitely my fault but if it wasn't a real body we both would have been dead. Then he suggested we preserve your body so he took you to one of their facilities, which I infiltrated and retrieved your body." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jenist give a little nod before his eyes widened in surprise.

"What was that?" He exclaimed. Who are those guys? I typed, man my fingers were getting tired. "Just a couple of loose threads" Jeanist replied. From the cars view point I saw a guy probably about 26 with bright pink hair reeking havoc in the market we had been passing through. "Fiber on. Fiber Fire!" Jeanist yelled as ropes shot out from the car which was honestly pretty cool. Jeanist spun the wheel and we span sideways, hard, rapping up the guy in the threads before detaching them throwing the guy to the ground. Jeanist stepped out of the car and started talking. I mean I couldn't hear what exactly he was saying but I did hear the mumble of his voice through the car. After he got himself back in the car and buckled in I typed in, what happened out there? "They're angry," he told me. And I didn't blame them, I didn't blame them one bit. 

As soon as we came up on my/my mothers pent house I knew something was wrong. I knew something bad had happened sevrel windows were cracked as well as the door. As soon as Jeanist parked the car I sprinted towards the house quickly opening the door. The first thing that caught my eye was a blue piece of paper on the table by the stairs. I picked up the paper from the beige piece of fabric and started to read. On it explained why there was nobody and who had done so. 

"She skipped town?" Jeanist asked. I nodded in response. I already knew who had done it I really didn't want to believe it. But why? Why would Dabi do something like that? If he already knew so much what more could he have wanted to know? Then it hit me, fuck of course. Either he had wanted to get a rise out of me by targeting my mom or he wanted to find my dad. Still if there ever was an information leak it would've been my mom. "I'm terribly sorry Hawks, you know a family are the people we choose in life to help get us through our darkest time." And in that moment I was just done. I was done with all of it, my fucking family, fucking Toya, the fucking Safety commission, people feeling sorry for me. 

And this Fucking

Mask. 

Both the mask that I wore when I was around anyone or the mask I'm wearing now 

I 

Am 

Done. 

I grabbed both sides of the mask and pulled it right off my face. 

"It's alright," I replied, my voice still a little raspy. "When I gave up any of my connections to the Takami family, I gave up on my mom." There were so many things about the future, and even right now i'm not sure of but I know one thing. 

"I need to talk to Endeavor." 

I did end up falling asleep on my way to the hospital, I really, really didn't want to go anywhere near there but if I was going to anything to sort this mess out I would need to talk to him, he was there with Toya when he revealed to the world who he really was. I needed to know all the details whether that be because of wanting to actually catch Toya or for personal reasons I needed to know what happened. As we reached the hospital I quickly ran to the room Endevor was staying in. Leaving Jeanist behind just like I did Rumi. Frowning at the memory I composed myself before entering the room to which I was met with the sight of his entire family. They all stared at me, surprised, except the women with the white hair she looked on ahead I gathered all the courage I had left in my tiny broken body and gasped,

"I need to know about Toya."