All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 22

I was crying again. 

Fuck, I cried so much I was surprised that there were still tears in there.

Well, not surprised more like I was intrigued.

That wasn't right either.  

Nothing was right. 

Right now or ever. 

Nothing would be right ever again. 

The terror in his eyes, he looked so scared.

I must have reminded him of his dad, when I yelled at him. I, I couldn't even talk to him without something bad happening. Without ruining something! 

Fuck.

I was so mad. 

So mad when he called me Keigo, like nothing ever happened. 

Like everything was normal. 

Like everything was fine. 

But it wasn't. 

At least it wasn't for me. 

Was, was it okay for him? Was everything fine?

No of course it wasn't I knew that from way to many days hanging out in his room. 

But he acted like nothing had happened, like he never left me, like he never ruined my life.  

He ruined everything. 

Yet I still cared. 

And that made me so fucking mad, he made me so mad. 

And being mad made me scared. 

I didn't want to be mad at everyone, lash out, hurt people I didn't want to do that. But everyday I wanted to, and I was terrified by that.

I didn't want to be like my asshole of a dad. 

But there was no way I could avoid hurting people. 

I felt bad about Twice yes but not as bad as I should, I felt fine with it in fact.

I felt fine with killing people, which was horrifying. 

I didn't want to. 

I wanted to see him so bad, Toya. I needed to see him, I needed him to cuddle me just hug me but whenever I saw him I got mad at him and it hurt me to see him. 

Every time I saw him my chest felt heavy and I did all I could not to cry, not to just fall into a heap. 

It hurt. 

All the memories, I had with him. he was so kind, when everyone else was cruel, when they fucking locked me in my room when he was gone. When the took me to that goddamn room, after everything they did to me whenever I was hurting he was always there with a smile and a hug. 

It might not have looked like much but it meant the world to me. 

When everyone else was mean to me, he was the kindest. 

I loved that, fuck I needed it. 

I remember one time when the two academy's combined the girl's side and the boy's side I got to hang out and catch up with Rumi, it was really fun actually. Toya would usually just join me after he sent a letter to his mom or his brother but this time he wasn't back when he usually was so I went to go and find him. I did end up finding him but he wasn't alone, there was another guy by him, about my age but taller and he was talking to Toya. They were getting close 

To close. 

Way to close.

I walked up to them and guess what the other guy was flirting with Toya, flirting! Toya looked fine with it as well, he wasn't flirting back but it was almost like it. 

Either that or he was trying to get on Toya's good side, for what I don't know. 

But there was just one problem. 

If I he liked that guy, he wouldn't like me anymore, he'd shift his attention to that guy, he'd leave me to suffer for this random person. I couldn't take it.

I didn't want his love to be stolen by another person. 

I wanted him to be all mine. 

All mine. 

I didn't want to hurt, I didn't want him to not be there.

I needed him to be mine.

And let's just say, Toya was more then a little mad, so was the commission.

I hurt that kid, and I enjoyed it. 

Because it was my Toya he was trying to take from me.   

He loved me. 

Did he though? 

No he cared he wouldn't have put all that effort in if he didn't care! 

Really? Or was it all a joke? We both know he enjoys others pain, why wouldn't it be the same with you? 

He though you were some kind of joke! Just like the rest of them. 

Maybe I am a joke. 

Maybe that's all I've ever been. 

The room I was in was weird, the walls were grey, so was the ceiling, and it had no wood or popcorn ceiling or any type of normal ceiling, it was just grey drywall.    

I was waiting here for the meeting to be done so I could talk to Rumi, I wanted to both apologize to her and I just wanted to talk to her, I wanted to see her. 

Endeavor was in there too, unfortunately. He of course wasn't allowed in when Dabi was in there because he'd just become agitated, he'd never give us any information if Endeavor was near. 

He was sad, so sad I wanted to help him, but I couldn't I failed back then, why would it be any different now? 

All I did was hurt him, all he did was hurt me, so why did I still want to go back? Why did I still love him? 

After everything. 

It made me mad, that I couldn't quite place my finger on it I just wanted to know, just wanted to feel alright. 

I wanted him to feel alright too. 

I heard the door open behind me and people started coming into the room, some sat at the painted white table that I had been sitting at for the past who knows how long but some just went back into the massive maze of hallways. 

I waited and waited still there were no damn clocks in here seriously what is it with having no clocks?  

I finally felt a warm hand on my back and a rough voice greeting me. 

"Rumi?" I asked while turning around. 

"Yeah Keigo, ah I need to talk to you about something," 

"What's going on is everything alright?" 

"Yeah it's just the task force kinda wants you to partner with Dabi."

Oh how wonderful