All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 29

He wasn't back yet. 

Why wasn't he back yet? 

More importantly why was I worried. 

Why wasn't I out looking for my friends? 

But Keigo was my friend. 

Exactly was. 

Past tense. 

I thought as I sighed letting out another puff of smoke. 

I didn't like cigarettes, but I didn't hate them either.

They were better then nothing eh? 

I knew they were bad. 

Hell I knew they were bad when I first picked them up, did that stop me? 

Fuck no. 

It was an unhealthy and shitty coping method what're you gonna do about it?

It's not like i'll ever get better anyway. 

I was better from back then wasn't I? 

Yeah because back then you were stuck in that fucking hell of a place or whatever it was. 

I never wanted to feel like that again.

Man, these were actually pretty good. 

Heh, eh whatever, I'm gonna fucking die anyway might as well enjoy things while they last. 

Maybe i'll get to hug Keigo one last time. 

Man he always said I was too warm, it was usually because of my quirk, I kinda liked it tho, men't more people wanted to snuggle with me, I was pretty touch starved. 

Anyways. 

Anyways what?

Nothing fuck off. 

Chill the fuck out bro. 

I just wanted to go home. 

Even though I didn't have anyone to go back to there. 

I still just wanted to go fucking home. 

I still wanted to be Toya again sure but there was no use in wishing. 

If I was Toya sure i'd have Keigo and Shoto and Fuyumi and Natsou and,

And my mom. 

But nothing would change. 

Nothing. 

I'd still be sad all the fucking time. 

I'd still hate my dad so fucking much. 

I'd still be worried for everyone. 

I wouldn't have the league.

And I still wouldn't have anything to live for. 

You know? 

Us as humans we, we're weird, we wanna find meaning in our existence we wanna find some purpose. 

And when people can't find it, it makes them sad. 

Scared. 

Sure it made me kinda scared but at the same time it was so interesting. 

Interesting because I wondered why I cared so much. 

I thought I knew my purpose as a kid then I lost it then it was beaten into me and then I thought my purpose was to get revenge, then I could finally go away just die.