"We got Return of the Jedi, The Hobbit, A New Hope," Rumi said as she paced around my small living room. "We have a weird VHS tape titled," she continued bringing the tape to her face trying to read the ridiculously small print. "Um, it says, wai-wait!" She started laughing.
"Wait, wait what does it say?" I asked, also starting to laugh because of Rumi's reaction. "Hey, come on Riri! What what HAH!" I said as she quickly brought the tape up closer so I could read the title. And guess what it said, it said "FUUUUUUCKKKKKK I DONT KNOWN WHAT TO PUT HERE FUUUUUUUUUDDDDGGGGGEEEEEEE SSSTTTRRRIIPPEEEESS!" And yes with that many letters. I dissolved into giggles as Rumi crashed to the floor clutching her stomach, both of us were laughing as hard as possible. Goddamn I mean, I don't know why the hell I was laughing that hard but i'd be lying if I said it, it felt good.
"Ah! Ah oh my gods! That was hilarious!" Rumi said sitting up, still giggling and clutching her stomach.
"Riri!" I said trying to get her attention. "Hey weren't we supposed to be looking for a movie?" I asked her still smiling.
"Oh, right yeah!" She realized and stood back up, returning to the wicker basket I used to hold all of my Cds.
"Um we got Close to Grey, and oh! Revenge of the si-"
"Revenge of the sith!" I shouted before she could finish her sentence.
"Really dude?"
"What? I like that movie!" I exclaimed.
"How many times have you even watched this?" She asked
"Like, like seven times?" I said again hoping that she would believe me. Nope oh no I got the raised eyebrow oh, you know your a horrible liar if Rumi gives you the raised eyebrow.
"Okay, fine, fine, I've watched it 24 times okay!" I said crossing my arms which made Rumi start giggling again.
"You've memorized the entire movie haven't you?" She asked happily.
"Well not all of it, just most of it." I said, also starting to giggle again.
"It's decided!" Rumi exclaimed, "We're watching Revenge of the Sith!" She shouted
"Woo!"
"Yeah, um, i'll go make popcorn." Rumi suggested, getting to her feet. "I mean of course if you want some, if you don't I-"
"No totally! I'd love popcorn!"
"Okay, well see you soon." She said.
"Yeah good idea, i'll start the movie." I told her as she walked into my tiny kitchen. After I knew she was gone and busy making popcorn I slowly started making my way over to the CD player and pushed the button for it to open. The sound of the machine was similar to wires pulling past each other. I grabbed the CD and put it right into place, exactly were it was supposed to go.
Exactly where it was supposed to go
Where it was supposed to just go.
Just perfectly in place.
Perfect.
Like I wan't my life to be, like we all want our lives to be, except I feel better in my own sadness instead of my own friends company. Why the hell is that? Why do I want to feel sad but want to get better at the same time.
Why can't everything just be,
Perfect? I just want things to be not shitty. I mean I would even settle for not okay instead of everything being shitty. I just want everything to stop, I just want the world to stop, so I could just.
Stop.
Stop so I can make sense of these pointless feelings, so I can stop feeling them even though I've been feeling them for so long. I just want.
No
No one gets what they want in this world, but you know what, that's perfectly fine, people everywhere struggle with this even though so it's okay, remember just breathe. So close the dang player and just go back to the couch okay just go back, go back, go back.
Back.
"Hey dude you okay?"
"Oh, oh my..oh Rumi!" I said turning around. "You scared the shit out of me!" I laughed while hitting the close button.
"Well I made the popcorn!" She said taking the bowl off of the counter and walking over towards me. "I have a question." Rumi said while kneeling next to me. "Um do, do I, just make things worse?" She asked.
"No, NO!" I said quickly pulling her into a hug. "You are my friend and, you have always cared about me and I love you for that! And I wouldn't be here without you, you care and that is the best thing anyone could do for someone else." I exclaimed. I kept hugging her until I felt her body start to tremble. "Are you, are you crying?" I asked. A weak little,
"Yes" came from her. "I-m so, sorry-I-I don't want you to get hurt anymore and-you-sca-scare the shit out of me every time you do! And i'm just so scared all the time! I don-don't want you to die! And I know it-it's so stupid but, i'm always afraid of you kil-killing yourself or something and I don't-I can't do that! I'm so-so-sorry!" She cried
"Why are you sorry?" I urged.
"Because you need-he-help and I know you do but I can't be that help! I love you so much but-I-I can't help you! I want to be there but you-I can't!"
"I'm the one who should be sorry Rums." I told her. "You, I haven't been there enough for you have I?" I queried. "But let me assure you something Rumi." I told her "You, you are the greatest friend that I could have, ever!" I said.
"Thanks!" She said.
"Now what about the movie!" I yelled, standing up. "I'm missing Ewan McGregor! Which earned a sad laugh from Rumi. After she ended up calming down a little bit we took the popcorn back to the couch and made a fort out of about all of my pillows and blankets. And maybe yes I did cry a little bit during the movie but who doesn't? It's obviously the most emotional star wars movie! After it had ended Rumi had already fallen asleep, which left me alone to ponder through my thoughts, and all my fake made-up things. Alone alone alone alone alone.
Alone.
Why?
That's what I was left with when I finally felt my self nod off to sleep.
YOU ARE READING
All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)
Fanfiction"Hey how about we play a game!" he sugested. "You stay here and wait for me when I come back!" he finished. "That sounds boring Toya!" the other child said. "Plus i'm not like five anymore!" he said with a giggle. "Well nice to meet you i'm not like...
