All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 23

No, hell no, hell fucking no. 

Did the force really expect me to work with Dabi?! To even get close to him? Yes they didn't know anything about me and him before, when we were children but having my wings burnt off by him was certainly not you know, a fun event! 

Anger, that was all I felt right now. Overwhelming anger at everything. 

At the commission for making me the way I am. 

For Dabi fucking leaving me. 

For joining this stupid mission. 

For not being there for Rumi. 

I hated all of it. 

I hated them all. 

I hated myself, I hated myself for everything that had happened for everything I let slide, for not believing people, for not helping as many as I could. 

But most of all I hated the feeling that I was alone. 

And I was scared I would be alone for the rest of my life. 

My sad sorry pathetic fucking life. 

And now whenever I saw him, when I saw Dabi, I had to face all that, I had to face everything I was afraid of. 

One of the worst things to was I was scared of him, of Dabi, the same person who used to love me to care, now it seems like he would kill me without a second thought. 

If he ever did love me. 

At all. 

"I know that you might be a little surprised Keigo so I'll just leave you be I guess." I heard Rumi say. Her voice was sad, alone. 

Just like me

I knew how she felt. 

And I knew that it was my fault, my fault she felt this way.

Before this whole Toya incident we had been closer then ever, as close as we were at the academy, but now, now it was like we didn't even know each other. 

After the movie we watched together, we hadn't talked to each other at all. 

We never talked to each other anymore. 

And it was my fault. 

I was to focused on Dabi and trying to make sense out of everything, trying to make things okay again. 

I didn't even think of Rumi's feelings. 

I didn't realize. 

I shouldn't have ignored her, all she was trying to do was help, all Rumi ever wanted to do was help people, to make others feel good. 

But they rarely treated her the same. 

Including me. 

She though that she was in the wrong, but I was the shitty one. 

I was scared of hurting Rumi like I hurt Toya but I already had been doing that. I already had been hurting her. 

I didn't know what to do. 

I was stuck.

There was no way that I would get out of working with Dabi. The entire commission and the force found it reasonable and it's not like I could just explain to them what happened between us when we were younger. 

That would be disastrous, the commission would know I told them, they'd come for me, they'd take me back to that place,

I couldn't go back.