All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 14

It had been a couple days after the incident as I called it. I honestly hadn't really been doing anything.

Well except sitting around. 

I'm honestly probably the laziest person on earth. I didn't want to do anything, after all I felt like shit. That might just be an excuse but my brain was just to cluttered. There was just so many things.

Dabi.

The house.

And most recently Deku. 

That shouldn't have happened, he shouldn't have been pushed away at all. These people are terrified so terrified that they would throw a child, a lost child away. Who knows what might of happened if they did. Gods I didn't want to think about it. He was just so kind to, one of the only people left who were in this crazy fucking world. He was so selfless and believed in everyone he was perfect. Was I jelous?

No.

Then what was I feeling? 

Oh I know what it was. 

Guilt. 

The guilt of everything, responsible for the demise of everyone important to me, oh how sad. Another reason for me to die. 

Haha.

Just add it to the ever growing list on my fridge. 

Uravity was amazing as well. She was able to change the entire public's views with an incredible improvised speech. She was so

Brave. 

Much braver then the rest of us honestly, standing up for him. Most of the pro heroes here would just leave the other to rot if they got the money or the fame but there were some good ones as well. 

We honestly needed more of those. 

Why? 

Why did my life turn out like this? I wondered as I rested my head against my bed frame trying to keep myself at least a little bit grounded. Oh here I go again making everything about myself, being the selfish little asshole that I was. I could go and ask for help of course but I didn't. 

Never have never will. Don't really know why I don't but it's probably because of Toya. He helped me yet I never asked about him even though he was clearly suffering more than I was. Why was I still alive?

There were so many things I could die with. 

The knives in my kitchen.

The rope in my garage. 

The cars roaring in the road. 

Anything.

My stomach rolled at the thought and I felt like I was going to throw up. It really didn't make sense though I serve no purpose anymore, I have enough yet I have nothing left to live for. 

"Help me" I whispered to nothing. 

To something.

To everything. 

I can't keep living like this.

Even though I was exactly like how I was after Toya's death. Now a days I was just like this. You know it's funny we heroes are supposed to bring smiles to peoples faces yet we rarely have one on ours. That made me kind of angry. People criticized us for that not having a smile on our faces, not trying hard enough not saving everyone. It hurt because we were trying our best and it killed me every time I realized that I was to late to save someone, it killed all us heroes. We make one little mistake and then they look at us like we're the villains. 

Gods I couldn't do this anymore. I didn't want to. 

"BRRRRRRIIIIINNNNNNGGGG" "BBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGG" I heard my phone ring from the bedside table next to me. I picked it up. 

POLICE FORCE. It said in big bright white letters. "Mhm why the hell not?" I though to myself plus it'd be rude not to answer.

"This is Hawks," I said my voice groggier then I realized it'd be.

"Hawks perfect that's just who we need!" I heard a feminine voice from the other side of the line say.  

Ah great I bet it's another mission, something stupid I bet. 

"It's about Da-Toya Todoroki." I heard her gasp. Now that shut my brain up. 

"Why? What happend?" I asked.

"We-we found him." 

"What do you mean you found him?" I asked again almost yelling now.

"I mean we found him, we have him in custody Endeavor and Jeanist are already here and so is some weird girl." She replied. "I have to go talk to them I can put you on speaker if you want!" 

"No it's fine i'll come over right now!" Yelled hastily hanging up and running to the door not even bothering to put on socks as I grabbed my shoes and shoved them on. I grabbed my key and locked my room as soon as I was outside and ran as fast as I could down the stairs. 

I got to my car and as quickly as possible drove to the location of the prison the person had given me. Now obviously it could be a trap but I was willing to risk that. 

As soon as I got to the location I realized holy shit this wasn't a trap, this was a high security prison and a fancy one at that. I walked up to the door wondering what I was supposed to do when a person, i'm assuming the same one that was talking to me on the phone came over to me and said, "Oh Hawks thank gods your here Endeavor and Jeanist are already waiting for you in the briefing room. I'll lead you there." They said waving their hand in a motion which I assumed meant follow me. 

As I followed them throughout the halls I saw different criminals all ones I had seen on the news to it wasn't like Tartarus no but it was pretty good. Then I saw him.

The same purple scars. 

Gold staples. 

And now snow white hair.

Tied in a straight jacket down into a chair. 

And suddenly all the pain all the sadness I was feeling was replaced with unimaginable anger. He was the reason all of this happened!

No I was. 

No him!

Me

Him! 

Me

Fuck. 

Everything came back. I didn't want to be around him let alone look at his sly fucking face. Everything about him was making me sick. It reminded me of everything.

Us as children.

The kindness of the LOV

But worst of all my own problems and guilt. 

And so because of this new found anger I did something pretty stupid. 

I broke the glass with my feathers causing some of them to start bleeding and went right into the cell and proceeded to beat the living shit out of him. 

He was bleeding 

I was bleeding. 

I cried while he simply started chuckling. 

Oh he thought this was funny didn't he? He thought this was all so FUCKING FUNNY?! 

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I screamed before......and that was it. 

I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck and realized someone had injected me with a needle. 

And everything went dark. 

(AN: Now we're free now we're grovin come on plot let's get movin!)