All the tears I've wept (dabihawks)

Chapter 16

"Please I just want to talk to him!" I begged like a little child who wanted more time to play. 

"HELL NO!" Rumi yelled "Why the fuck would I just let you stroll into his sell after what you did and what he did to you? HELL FUCKING NO!" 

I mean I perfectly understood her point, hell I was about to start crying again just at the thought of facing Dabi again. But I was just so fucking desperate at this point I didn't care anymore. 

"Rumi! Please, please RUMI! I'll do anything!" I cried. 

"NO! I'm not letting you get hurt again!" She shouted. "I don't know what you don't get when I say no! I wont let you!" She said tears falling down her face. 

"RUMI!" I yelled, now crying  

"No, no, no, no, no. I'll just leave your food here and go and just fucking go." She whimpered, "If you so fucking keen to see Dabi I guess there's no reason for me to be here anyway." She said, wiping the tears away from her face.

"No, no Rumi wait Rumi please wait!" I practically screamed as she closed the door again. "Rumi! Rumi! Please come back please!" I yelled banging on the door, I needed her to come back I needed her. She was leaving, she was leaving just like Toya left me. Maybe I would never see her again. That thought that terrible thought was what consumed me. She was the only one I had left she was the only person left in the world that truly cared about me. 

And she was leaving. 

Because I wasn't good enough. 

Just like Toya. 

I started to sob quietly as I fell to the ground hugging myself. Of course she left, everyone always leaves everyone that has ever loved me left. Even the civilians who used to admire me. Now they like every one left. 

Everyone always left. 

My my tiny body shook from the force of my sobs and I didn't even bother to touch the sandwich Rumi left me. It could possibly be the last thing she ever gave me. I didn't know how long I had been sitting there or how long I had been crying. I did throw up a couple of times just because my nose was running so much. It had probably been about two hours when I heard the lock to my door click. 

Somebody was coming into my room. 

This was my chance. 

I didn't care if it was Rumi or Jess or Jeanist or even goddamn Endeavor.

I didn't care anymore.

I just wanted to feel better. 

I grabbed the dish that had the sandwich on it and raised it over my head in a striking position.   

The door handle turned and Jess strode into my room. In a flash I was behind her bringing the dish down onto her head before she even noticed what was happening. 

She fell down onto the floor, knocked out not dead though as I saw her chest moving up and down. 

If she died I think I would have killed myself right then and there. 

Of course I felt bad about having to knock her out but at this point I just needed to get out of the room and this was the best way to do that. 

"I'm sorry." I muttered as I backed away from her unconscious body. I then dropped the dish which upon impact with the floor then decided to brake which was. 

Weird. 

But still I didn't really care anymore so long as I got to see Dabi, so I could talk to him.I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to stop crying. I then started to run through the corridors making sure that nobody could see me while also in the process of finding Dabi's sell. It took several tries to find Dabi's sell and when I did it was more of an accident then on purpose. I was on the seventh floor two floors above where my "room" was. Then I saw it a pulsing beacon of blue light. It entranced me, it pulled me towards it. As soon as my eyes landed upon it all my worries all my problems even my current need of finding Dabi was all stripped away as I walked towards it. Rumi would have loved it, after all the kind of pastel blue color it was admitting was her favorite color. 

Rumi. 

That reminded me.

Rumi.

She left me. 

Toya. 

I needed to find Toya. 

But the light. The light was so entrancing I wanted it, I wanted it to take all of my problems away I wanted to be engulfed by it, I wanted to drown in it until all my problems went away. Until I was normal again. 

Until I felt good. 

But I didn't feel good, I don't think I ever did really feel good. The only memories I recall of me by myself were all sad ones. The only happy ones were with Rumi and Toya and Lady.

But all of them were gone. 

All of them had left me. 

The only one remaining was me. 

It was always me. 

It had always been my fault. 

All my fault. 

The light called to me it whispered promises. 

The light told me it would make me feel better. 

I needed to feel better. 

I was almost touching the light when a voice, so rough yet sweet and caring reached out to me. 

"Your not supposed to be here birdy." 

It said. 

I knew who it was, I knew what he wanted, and I was downright horrified. This one person who cared about me so much or who maybe never did who almost killed me was standing right behind me. 

He could kill me.

If he wanted to. 

I deserved it. 

My instincts and mind were screaming and me to run to run as far away as I possibly could but I couldn't move. The only thing I could do was muttter.

"Toya." 

"That's not my name and you know it." 

"Toya." I said, louder this time starting to cry again. I turned to face him and he looked horrible. 

He had cuts on the healthy parts of his skin and his right eye was swollen. 

The worst part about it?

I did this. 

I hurt him. 

Everything hapend because of me.

"That. Is. Not. My. Name."  

"Yes it is YES IT IS!" I screamed. 

"Shut the fuck up." He muttered his voice dripping rage. 

"WHAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I screamed again tears streaming from my eyes. "WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?" I sobbed. "WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?! WHY THE HELL DID YOU LEAVE!" 

"Shut the fuck UP!" He yelled as he lunged for me. 

What was this. 

What was I feeling?

I couldn't quite place it. 

And I didn't know what it was. 

The only thing I knew was that he was not in the mood to talk. 

Fuck.