Taken Lightly (SasuNaru)

Chapter Twenty Seven

trigger warning: thoughts of suicide

I exit my house, going to the shed to look for an old bike I had. Looks okay, I got on a peddled away.

I knew were I was going. Nobody could stop me. My mind was made up. I felt like being there would give me the answers that I was searching for.

I arrived at my destination.

A bridge, I used everyday to walk to school and see Sasuke sitting by the river.

I got off the bike taking a deep breath. I look around. It was dark and kind of chilly.

I slowly walk to the railing. Taking everything in... I closed my eyes, thinking of all the happy memories I had..

There were so many things going on in my head. My heart was racing just as fast as my mind was. I couldn't keep up with neither of them. It felt like I was having a panic attack or that I was dying. I knew what I was trying to do. I knew that I was trying to get rid of myself. To die. I had so many problems in my life, I couldn't even imagine them being fixable at this point. I'm not fixable, I am broken. No one could help me. Not even the person I love, I loved more than anybody else. Especially over myself. I didn't make a difference in this world. I bet Sasuke could, Where was Sasuke exactly? Problem at his house. Respecting me, because I told him I want nothing to do with him. I did all of this to myself. I don't know why I have to overreact the way I did... and all of this is honestly hurting me more than its suppose to hurt. Do you ever get that way? The feeling, where you're hurt so much, that you feel nothing? That's me at this exact moment of time. That's why I'm here.

I breathe in the cold spring air, looking into the water. Were the only thing that's keeping me from that water is this semi shitty bridge. I found myself staring at the spot Sasuke would hang out. A small wooden dock. He would sit there on most days, especially after school. Sometimes I would watch him, and wonder what he were thinking.

Leaning against the rail, I sigh.

"Is this really me?" Running my fingers through my hair, I kick the bike that brought me here.

"FUCK- I HATE MY LIFE" Screaming into the clear night

"Why, Why me? FUCKING SHIT. DO YOU HEAR ME GOD?! YOU. YOU fucking did this to me... I believed in you.. I really did, all you did was let me down. When I needed you most... I'll never believe in you again.."

When I came to this spot, I had intentions to kill myself. Now i'm not so sure. I hurt.. I hurt so bad.. I just needed to get out of that house, just to think and get my thoughts sorted out. I'm in desperate need of a hug right now. I'm in need of comfort... I feel like nobody gets me, it makes me angry. I'm not even the type of person who gets mad, and shows that he's upset. I've never had these types of feelings before, nothing really gets me down. I usually have a smile on my face, glowing with my bright blue eyes. Today, Yesterday, Last week, last month I've been feeling so lost, that I just don't know what to do with my life and that's pretty upsetting for a 18 year old. To feel this shitty before they're twenty. I hope I don't feel this way when I'm 21.

I just feel like I have nobody in my life right now. Even though I do. Dad, Sakura and Sai, I'm sure Sasuke would lend an ear too. 

Damn, I miss my Dad. He means so much to me, since I never knew my biological dad. He was the closest thing to one, even though he's about 10 years older than me, he still treated me like a son. He was there when I needed him most. HE knew when I was upset. HE knew when I needed him. HE knew when I needed comfort. But instead of him being  here, he's in pain, still in a wheelchair, all because of me. He's the most important person to me besides Sasuke. Important in a different kind of way. The kind of were you need them in your life for as long as you can have them in it. They way parents are suppose to be. They grow old with you, and watch you accomplish all your achievements. I'm just glad that he isn't dead. But it still hurts like he did he was in a coma for weeks after his surgery. They didn't even know he was going to make it. I'm glad he did though. I don't know how I would manage if he died.

I sigh, remembering all the happy memories I had.

"Why am I so fucked up...? Someone please tell me..?"

Fuck it. FUCK IT. I threw my bike over the bridge out of anger. My sweater caught on my bike handle dragging me over the bridge with it.

My back immediately made impact with the water, my bike landed straight into my face, sending pain signals to my brain. I couldn't keep my head up. The currents are too high, the river is going to fast and I'm in so much pain.

I regret coming to this bridge to sort out my feelings and now I'm in this situation, I'm trying to keep myself up.. but im in pain.. my back feels like it's on fire, my side feels like it's being stabbed multiple times. My brain feels fuzzy from the bike falling on my head. I probably have a concussion.

I took my last breath before sinking into the dark cold river.  I'm trying to fight for my life but everything is becoming too much. Everything started to fade, as soon as I started gasping for air. But instead, I ended gasping water into my system.

Choking under the water

Could this really be it?