ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

to turn a blind eye

january 8

i don't know what day it is. i don't know how many meds i've taken in the last hour, and i don't know how much longer i have until my mother arrives. she hadn't told me she's coming, no, but i know she is simply because i've ignored her calls three times today.

little old lady sue will let her into the apartment complex and then she'll take the key from behind the wreath on my white door, inviting herself into my apartment.
i should probably move that key if i did not want her in, but in case of an emergency; i haven't.

my phone rings for the millionth time but i don't want to move from this comfortable position i have been laying in so ignore it. a notification from a voice mail will vibrate my phone any second and then my mom will be walking through my bedroom door.

almost five minutes after i can hear the jingle of keys and then silence.
the door clicks.
silence.
click-clacking of heels on the hardwood floor.
placing of key and purse on the kitchen island.
click clack.
click clack.
silence.
my door opens.

i turn my head towards the door and in walks my short mother. her skin is a glowy brown when she turns my light on.
my mother is always outside, always working, so over the years her skin has just deepened in color— while mine remains an ashy like tan.

"well it's nice to know you're alive" was what she said when she begins to clean my room.
"i love it when you ignore me dawn— truly makes my heart happy."

i chuckled only a little.

"did you take your meds," she asked, i nodded.

i want to be my mom.

she's so strong and beautiful and normal.

i want to be normal.

"what day is it" i mumble, my mom, shakes her head with a quiet tisk, "saturday" she answered.

it is a very long silence after and the only thing i can hear is the click-clacking of her heels as i close my eyes.
"i'd love for you to get up and out the house" my mother spoke. i hum, id love to as well but goodness it's as if the sleeping gods have engulfed me themselves.

"you should come with me to the bake sale down at work, it'd be fun and they'd love to see you:"

"no thank you, i have a lot of sleep to work on," i said, my mom gives me the look.

god, i hate that look.

"fine" i mumble as i force myself from my childish pink bedsheets.

she smiles at my misery.
-
the smell of sugary sweetness clings to the wall of the spacey room. there is so much baked good in here, i can feel the aching cavity already forming.

there are so many white men in this room, i wonder how my mother even carries on her day in these walls. speaking of my mother, i watch her from across the room, she's talking to her boss, who also happens to be white.

he's tall with blonde hair and freshly shaved skin, glasses frame his chiseled face, and im surprised to see the cross earrings in his ears.

"why do you have on shades in here," someone asks me. i don't have enough care to turn my head so i shrug.
they don't say anything for a while but they're still standing next to me so i finally turn to look.

my eyes almost widen but i catch myself, she's unbelievably tall, her hair a bright pink while her eyes a deep brown.

she smiles slightly at me, "do you wanna go for a walk?"

i think, what are the pros and cons of this interaction?

cons: i do not know this girl, i do not even know where she came from, she looks like the daughter of no one here.

pros: the smell of sweetness is getting overwhelming and i need air.

"okay," i say as she leads me out of the room and down the hall. i don't know where we're going but it hurts climbing these steps.

we finally make it to the roof of this office building and i want to die from the ache in my legs. the mystery girl holds the door open for me and i wait for her to put a rock by it before walking.

"why are you here," she asked me, "you know— just creeping around?"

i look over at the tall girl, completely disregarding her question "what's your name?"

"tiana," she said "yours?"

"dawn" i answered and i watched her stifle a laugh. i didn't know what was so funny, and i also didn't know why i was engaging in conversation with a stranger with pink hair.

"like the soap" she replied, i rolled my eyes "sure, yeah— like the soap."

she shakes her head, laughing at me yet again.

i can tell her eyes are on me as i sit down crisscross, allowing myself to look over the skyline.

tiana takes a seat next to me, the silence wrapping over us nicely. "why so mysterious?"
"i dunno" i replied, "why so inquisitive?"

she's silent for only a moment "i don't know what that means."

i shrugged it off as tiana ask "what are you looking at?"

i mumble "everything and nothing" expecting her to laugh at my answer but she doesn't. "would you explain," she asks yet another question.

i don't answer her for a very long time. i've always expected everyone to learn to ignore my "mysterious" inquiry's of life because as my family says "my meds make me crazy."
they can never and will never see the bigger picture in which they wake up to every morning, therefore i'm the crazy one.

"this skyline, this place— this world tiana— is extremely overwhelming" i begin to say, "you see the cars down there, the speed walking people on the sidewalk— do you see?"

she nods, "i see."

"everyone is so much in a hurry that they cannot see that that old man has just been reunited with someone he loves, or that 100$ bill floating in the air, or even simply the stars."
"no one stops to look up and think about their life, other's lives. so, this city, this place from afar looks like a whole lot of something, but is simply nothing when you take a closer look."

the air blows and this causes her pink hair to blow back, i notice the scars right below her neck, and the mole on her cheek.

"i like you dawn," tiana says "i like how you've picked everyone apart in just a matter of seconds."

i smile as she continues "you've even just called me out and i fucking love it. i want your mind."

1161 words