ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

little lies

april 30

billie

i watched the arms of the clock intently, i seemed to be doing this for a long while because dawns friend and her mother asked if i was okay twice now.

i didn't respond. i didn't even move. all i did was tap my finger to the rhythm of the clock, watching, with burning anxiety.

dawn went into surgery approximately two hours and thirty minutes ago. they should say that she's finished any minute now.
all i wanted is to be by her side, to tell her everything went well and she's fine.

her mother has moved to sit next to me and i can't even begin to acknowledge her before she places her hand on my shoulder.

i jump and shake her hand away.
"dawns fine," she says to me "you should get some rest, i'll be here and i can text you."

"i can't leave," i say, choked and hoarse as if i'd just been clawed in the throat. "they'll make you leave regardless billie," the woman says to me "you won't see her until tomorrow."

i nod, and process her words, before saying "you sure you'll text me as soon as they let you know?"

"promise," she says, smiling slightly. i get up, waving bye to her mother and the pink-haired girl.

the breeze hits my skin as i walk outside to my car, looking into the sunset before getting in.

i care for dawn a lot. and when i say i care for her i don't mean in a way that you're supposed to care about people in general i mean in a way that it burst through me.

i mean i want to be inside of dawns skin, living as one if that's even possible.
i want to cherish every fucking bit of her, every last thing and if i don't then i'll feel unaccomplished, unworthy to love her.

i can't even explain how i feel, how she makes me feel.
all i know is, when i see her, a swarm of adoration just engulfs me like a wave, making me fall in love with her all over again.
-

may 1

my head banged from the inside as i rub the tiredness from my eyes. my bones popped and my floorboards creaked as k walked to my bathroom to get ready.

i hardly slept. how could i? my mind only remained on dawn and if something were to go wrong i wouldn't be there like i promised.

suddenly i remembered her mom was supposed to text me, so i go to check my phone, toothbrush still in my mouth and all.

"ms.sahar
3 new messages"
is the first thing i see when my phone turns on, quickly i open them, eager to know the current state of my girlfriend.

"dawn just got out of surgery, she's doing okay. she's asleep currently, but i'll let her know you were here," ms.sahars first message reads.

her second one, being an hour later than the first reads "dawn is urging me to try and tell you something and will not leave me be. everything she says is gibberish but i'm sure you won't mind listening to that."

following that message is audio of dawn going on about something. all i could get from it was i was in her dream, she sounded completely crazy.

but as her mother stated— i didn't mind. hell, i would listen to dawns voice even if it were in a language i could hardly understand.
-
when i walked into dawns room, she was awake yet she doesn't speak. i take the closest seat next to her and immediately grabbed her hands.

"hi pretty girl," i say softly, dawn only smiles slightly, "hi," she says groggily.

"how do you feel," i asked her, rubbing my thumb on the palm of her hand.
"i can't feel anything," she says with a slight chuckle. i laugh, only because i didn't know what else to say.

my heart ached for her, my soul ached because god the only thing i wanted was for dawn to be at peace.
and though she's most likely in pain now, she's okay. the cancer is gone id suppose, i didn't know how these things worked.

"you're all better now dawn," i asked her "like you overcame it right?"

she nodded her head "i'm okay."

725 words