ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴛʟʏ ᴘᴇʀɪꜱʜ

sois à moi?

kind of long
how'd you guys like the vanity fair??

february 14

my room was dark and my body was as limp as a corpse. i can smell the air from my cracked window, and feel the breeze coming in and out.
i believed it was twelve in the afternoon, i was too lazy to glance over at the clock.
my body was tired but i couldn't understand how, id been laying here all week.

my mother came in monday, and i even let tiana come over yesterday, id been trying to not be completely isolated.
and as much as i want to mope and be all sluggish, i missed billie.

she'd called me only twice this entire week and i didn't make an effort to call her because i'd expressed to her i was exhausted.

speaking of billie, i know it's her calling me as i can feel the vibration under my pillow. i answer it, and my body does not like the movement.

"dawn?"

i hum and hear billie chuckle "are you awake beautiful?"

i respond with a simple and i can hear the smile in billies voice, it makes me so warm and soft that i want to burst.
"you sound cute and all but i'm gonna need you to get out of bed, can you do that?"

"why," i asked.

"cause i'm literally like two minutes from your house" billie chuckles. i internally groan. not because i didn't want to see billie, no, but because i don't want to move.

i can hear billie laughing at my silence, "i'm gonna just walk in okay?"

i hum and with that, she hung up. i make no effort to actually put clothes on because a part of me loves the feeling of anticipation waiting for billie to see me like this.

because in my mind, if you are comfortable with someone seeing you like this then i believe that you're close, you're like lovers possibly.
i liked that feeling with billie. every time i shower i think of how nice it'd be to have her things cluttered in my bathroom or to have our own mugs in my kitchen, for her messy clothes to be all over my floor.
because i liked billie, i liked having billie around.

"hi dawn," billie says, i don't turn my head to look at her as i only throw my arms in the air. billie walks over, leaning down to hug me. i've missed her and it's only been a week.
"i missed you" i whisper into her ear, "i missed you more though," billie says.

billie doesn't let go as she pulls me up, "get showered and dressed, i've got something for you."

"for what," i asked with a rub of my eye. billie looks at me like i'm crazy. "it's valentine's day? you didn't think i wouldn't do anything for you."

i laughed at myself "i forgot what day it was."
i didn't think doing something for billie was appropriate, as we weren't even "official" if that's what we'd like to call it.

"i didn't think it would be appropriate to get you anything," i say, billie only smiles "that's okay. don't feel bad about it."

i nod as she grabs my hand to walk to the bathroom.
-
when i'm out of the shower, i have time to acknowledge my body. it genuinely looks like i've been beaten to a pulp.
my skin makes me feel so ugly as if i'm quite literally decaying.